


Solace

by Tuiccim



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Love Triangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiccim/pseuds/Tuiccim
Summary: You are the source of Bucky's comfort and he's the source of your heartbreak. When a misunderstanding leads to a communication breakdown, you find yourself exploring different possibilities.
Relationships: Brian Falsworth/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Union Jack/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	1. Part 1

The knock on the door is expected. You open it and allow Bucky to enter. Knowing exactly what he wants, you move to the bed and position yourself. Your back is against the headboard and legs straight out in front of you. Wordlessly, Bucky lays across the bed and puts his head on your thigh facing away from you. He never looked at you when you did this. Never spoke. It was a silent agreement between you.   
Once he settles you reach up and comb your hands through his hair. Bucky's body immediately begins to relax. You rub his scalp, run fingers through his hair, and provide him with the comfort he seeks out in you. 

It had started months ago. You were in your first week as an Avenger and came across Bucky sitting in the common room alone.   
"Hey Bucky." You had greeted.  
"Hey." He replied quietly.   
"What are you up to?"  
"Nothing really. You?"  
"Same. Just wandering around… Hey Bucky, you have something in your hair."  
"What? Where?" He reaches hands up to his head.  
"Do you mind if I get it?"  
"Sure, Doll."  
You pulled the string out easily, but having the opportunity you combed your fingers through his hair to "fix" it after removing the string. "Wow. Your hair is really soft."   
Bucky chuckles, "Thanks, Doll."  
You had unconsciously continued to comb through his hair and only snapped out of it when he leaned into your touch. "Oh, sorry."  
"No, it's okay. Feels really good." Bucky reassures.  
"You like having your head scritched?" You smile.  
"Never heard it called that before, but yeah. It's uh, it's relaxing." Bucky smiles at you.   
You had played with his hair for nearly an hour just for the fun of it or really just because you liked touching him.   
After that, Bucky sought you out often to "scritch his head." You were always happy to comply. You talked and cut up. He was truly a fun person and you enjoyed his company. For a little over a week it was as if you were building up to something and then suddenly he stopped talking. Stopped looking you in the eye. He withdrew from you completely until he came back from a hard mission and, just like tonight, sought you out for the comfort you offered. You thought that this would eventually lead him back to you, but it hasn't. He still avoids your eyes whenever you are in a room together, he never touches you, and rarely speaks to you. And yet, you never turn him away when he shows up at your door. Instead, you silently take your place and pray that this time he'll look at you or speak to you. But each time your heart breaks a little when he gets up and leaves without a backwards glance. Your heart hurts each time but you couldn't stop. You figured it was better to have some small part of him than none at all.  
You comb your hands through his hair, trace his hairline with a fingertip, rub his scalp. All the things he loves. You know this mission was rough. You'd heard about it from Natasha.   
Bucky laid on you for a long time. Languishing in your tender ministrations. It took everything he had not to rub his face into your thigh and breath deeply of your scent. You were his angel. From the day you came to the compound, you had brightened up his days. And the way your hands made him feel like some comfort and love were available in this world, was pure magic. He fell for you hard. Almost immediately.   
But then he had overheard your conversation with Nat and had realized that what he felt was completely one sided.  
You and Nat had stood just inside the training room talking your second week there.  
"I just don't trust him, Nat. Something about him is just off to me." You had said.  
"He's a team player." Nat said.  
"And as long as we are on SHIELD business I'm good with him, but on a personal level, it's never going to happen. He makes me uncomfortable."  
"Well, at least you don't have to deal with him much." Nat had shrugged.  
Bucky was broken-hearted and had retreated to his room. He had gone over your words in his head a thousand times. He knew if you couldn't trust him, there was no way you could love him.  
You and Nat had continued your conversation, oblivious to the supersoldier who had just departed.  
"Seriously. I don't want to deal with Rumlow any more than I have to. He gives me the creeps." You say.  
"Yeah. Anyway, how are things going with Bucky?" Nat smirks.  
Your entire countenance brightens, "They seem to be going well."  
"Pretty sure the feeling's mutual." Nat smiles.  
You just grin at her.   
As quickly as your friendship formed, it seemed to die. Bucky withdrew and you didn't understand why. He wouldn't talk to you, avoided you at all costs, and until that particularly bad mission, he wouldn't let you near him.   
You looked down at him and your heart twisted. He's so beautiful. A good man forced to do terrible things. Touch starved. And you loved him. How could you not. But knowing his state of mind you didn't dare push him. You couldn't bring yourself to. The thought of losing what little bit you had of him was terrifying. So, you waited and watched and savored the time you had.  
Bucky had been in your room for nearly an hour as you had comforted him. A few more strokes of your fingers through his hair as your heart burned and then he stood up and walked out without a backwards glance. Had he looked back he would have seen your shattered heart written across your face. Your tears flow as he closes the door behind him.


	2. Part 2

A few minutes later, your door opens and Natasha walks in, "Was that Bucky? Are you crying?!? What happened?"  
You frantically wipe at the tears on your face, but give up and just put your head in your hands. Natasha sits beside you and puts a hand on your knee, “Hey. Talk to me. What’s going on?”  
Nat knew that Bucky had stopped talking to you, but you hadn’t told her about his visits. Now, you told her everything. Tears running down your face, Natasha pulls you into a tight hug. While you had been there for Bucky, you hadn’t leaned on anyone in quite some time and your soul felt heavy. She holds you and gives you the comfort you have desperately needed.   
“You have to talk to him.” Nat says once you’ve calmed down some.   
“He won’t talk to me, Nat. And honestly, what if I lose him completely? I don’t think I could stand it.” You say.   
“You can’t keep up like this. You’re going to fall apart.”  
“Haven’t I already?” You scoff.   
“I’m serious. You have to talk to him.” Nat says emphatically, “There has to be a reason behind this. The way he looks at you when you aren’t looking, something is there.”  
“I don’t know, Nat. If he had feelings for me, why would he do this?”  
“Because he’s stupid and scared. He’s been trapped and abused for 70 years. He’s desperate for a connection to someone and that person is you. I don’t know what made him pull away from you, but you need to find out. He’s miserable, too. Believe it or not.”  
You look at Natasha and your heart twists as her words register.   
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Natasha asks.   
“No, no, I’ll do it. Thanks, Tash.” You lean in for another hug.   
Natasha wraps you in her arms and smooths your hair. “It’ll be okay. Talk to him.”  
You nod and Natasha tells you goodnight before leaving. 

The next morning you lay in bed going over everything you want to say and then decide to find Bucky and force him to talk to you. Natasha was right. You were going to go crazy if you didn't.   
As you reach for your doorknob, Friday pipes up, "Mission assignment, Agent. Please report to the conference room."  
Cursing under your breath you go to the meeting. The conference room is full with both the Avengers team and Strike team meaning a big op is about to go down. A high level HYDRA leader has finally been tracked down and in order to ensure capture they called both teams together. Steve began the meeting with the basic info and plan. About halfway through everything he looks to you and states, “I want you to coordinate with Rumlow for ground incursion. The rest of the team will come in from the air.”  
You nod curtly at Cap, but inside you’re fuming. “Wheels up in one hour.” Cap concludes before dismissing everyone.   
You watch as everyone files out but linger in order to talk to Steve. Steve and Bucky are at the front with their back to you talking tactics. When it was just the three of you remaining, you cleared your throat. Your heart leaps when Bucky actually makes eye contact with you, but just as quickly he turns and strides away. You stare after him fighting tears. Taking a deep breath, you turn back to Steve who looks at you with a blank expression. “Why are you putting me with Strike? Am I being punished?”  
“No. Why would you think that?” Steve says, perplexed.   
“You’re separating me from the team.” You say.  
“You’ve worked with Strike the most. I want an Avenger with them.”   
“Is it them or me you don’t trust?” You say quietly, narrowing your eyes.   
“I trust you with my life.” Steve says in a low voice.  
“You don’t trust Rumlow, either, do you?” You whisper.   
Steve doesn’t answer with words, but his countenance speaks volumes. You nod at him and go to exit.   
“Wait…” Steve says and you turn back to him, “Why don’t you trust…”  
“Hey, Capsicle. Need a minute.” Tony leans into the room.   
“Uh, sure.” Steve says.  
You exit to give them privacy and get yourself ready for the mission.   
“Did you talk to him?” Natasha ambushes you as you exit the elevator.   
“No. I got called for the mission as I was going to find him.”  
“Damn. What about now?” She asks and you give her a look. “Right.”  
“I’ve got to get my go bag and make sure I have everything.”  
“Me, too. See you on the jet.” Natasha heads to her room. 

On the jet, you go over the ground incursion plan with the Strike team.   
“We should use a two pronged assault and enter from both the south and west entrance.” Rumlow points to his preferred entry points.   
“Agreed. I’ll take Rollins, Spencer, and Jeffries with me through the south. The rest of you can take the west entry.” You dictate while motioning to the three team members you preferred to work with.  
“I think we should stay together.” Rumlow says.   
You look at him askew, “You were the one the suggested a two prong entry. It makes the most sense.”  
“I meant you and I.” Rumlow deadpans.  
“No, it makes more sense to separate us. Rollins and I got this.” You hold your fist out to Rollins who bumps it.   
“I think I should have the say on my team.” Rumlow pushes.   
“Of course.” You cross your arms and stare him down. He backs down after a minute’s standoff. Being the ranking agent has its advantages.   
A few minutes after the team disbands, Rumlow says in your ear , “You know, you’re hot when you take charge.”  
You turn to him with a smirk, “You know, you’re a creep when you run your mouth.”  
Rumlow jerks his chin at you and walks away. 

The op goes almost too easily. A few minor improvisations and the mission was done. Unfortunately, the Hydra leader had died in the crossfire, but the intel gleaned was invaluable. Both teams were understandably exhausted and upon return everyone was quick to disburse. You were one of the last to disembark and, the moment you stepped off the ramp, Jack Rollins was at your side.   
“Hey. I was wondering, can I take you to dinner some night?’ Rollins smiles at you.   
“Jack. I, um, I’m flattered, but, I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You give him a tight smile.   
Rollins trails his hand down your upper arm, “Come on, it could be fun.”  
You smirk, “I’m not saying it couldn’t be but I kinda have feelings for someone right now and need to resolve that first.”  
“If you change your mind, offer stands.” Rollins winks at you.   
"I'll keep that in mind." You say with a smile.   
Bucky chooses that moment to walk past and smacks into Rollin’s shoulder as he passes. “What’s his problem?”  
“Never any telling with him. He’s not a great communicator.” You grouse with a roll of your eyes. Rollins laughs and gives you a mock salute before departing.   
You head to your room and decide a long, hot bath is in order. You soak in the tub languishing in the delicious scented bath oil you poured in. When you're done you dress in pajama shorts and a comfy top. You pace your room debating with yourself if you should go confront Bucky. It seemed almost cruel to do that to him right after a mission. Best to give him a couple of days.


	3. Part 3

The next morning you were working out in the training room with the others when your phone goes off. Grabbing a towel and the phone, your face lights up when you see who is calling.   
“Hey Jack!” You are grinning as you exit the training room to talk to your best friend.   
“Hello, dearest! It’s been a minute. How are you doing?” Lady Jacqueline “Jackie” Falsworth's beautiful British accent comes through..   
“I’m doing pretty good. How about you?” You reply.  
“SImply marvelous. Especially since I’ll be in New York two days from now.” Jackie says. You can hear her grin through the phone.   
“Really?” You squeal. “This is perfect! Tony is having one of his big parties this week. I’ll add you to the guest list. Please say you’ll come. It will be so much fun with you there.”  
“I wouldn’t miss it. One of Tony Stark’s famous parties with my best friend. We’ll tear the place up.” Jackie laughs.   
You spend the next hour on the phone with Jackie making plans for her visit. 

Bucky watches you reach for your ringing phone from the other side of the training room. A smile lights up your face as you go to answer it and his heart twists. When he hears your joyous “Hey Jack!” from across the room he feels sick to his stomach. You must have taken Rollins up on his offer. He begins punching his bag in earnest and, with a particularly angry jab, sends it flying across the room. 

You find Tony in his lab after your phone call. Before you can speak, Tony pipes up, "A Lady Jacqueline Falsworth was added to my guest list. Wanna explain?"  
You laugh, "That's exactly why I came to see you. Jackie's my best friend and she'll be in town for the party."  
"So, I should let just anyone come to my parties now." Tony says mockingly.   
"Aw, Tony, don't be like that. It's not like she's an invader. You'll like Jackie. She's a real spitfire." You needle him.  
"Hmph, just this once." Tony smirks.  
You plant a kiss on his cheek, "Thanks, Tony."

That afternoon you, Sam, Natasha, and Clint are sent on a mission. Three days later, the four of you return. You and Sam both sporting some bruises and lacerations. Nat and Clint had not had the same unfortunate luck. On the way back you are telling Nat about Jackie’s visit and your plans with her.   
“Can’t wait to introduce her to the team. You’re going to love her.” You tell Nat.  
“Make sure she stays for the after party.” Nat winks.   
Nat is referring to the just Avengers and close friends time that comes after the bulk of the party has left. This time usually ends up with some childish games, competitions, or discussions.   
“Jack does love to make a spectacle. Should be fun.” You smirk.   
“Oh, it is on.” Nat says. “Is there someone in particular you’re hoping to introduce her to?”  
“I would love it if she could get Steve out of his shell a bit, but I have a feeling she’s going to be more interested in someone else.” You laugh.  
“Sam more her type?” Nat asks.   
“No.” You raise an eyebrow at her.   
“Oh.” Nat smirks. “Plays for both teams?”  
“Plays for all the teams.” You smirk back.   
“You two ever?” She quirks a brow at you.  
“Maaaaybe.” You wink at her.  
“Truth or Dare, here we come.” Nat giggles. 

The next night everyone is milling around the common room before heading to the party. You get a text from Jackie that she’s about to pull up. ”Hey guys. Jackie’s here. Stay put I want to introduce everyone before the party.” You head down to meet her.   
After the initial squealing and hugging, you and Jackie begin your traditional pre-party bets and challenges.  
“$20 if you can get Steve to blush.” You start.  
“I think that one should go both ways.” Jackie smirks.  
“Definitely."   
"$20 if I can get your Bucky to dance with you."  
"Pffft, $100, $1000, whatever. Won't happen." You roll your eyes.  
"Oh, challenge accepted." Jackie grins wickedly.  
"You are going to hurt yourself." You laugh at your friend's ridiculous determination. "Oh, there will be an after party with mostly just the team. A perfect time for mischief. Usually ends up with Truth or Dare being played. You have to stay for it."  
"Done. Is there anyone I should work on?"  
"If you can get Steve Rogers to lighten up or, better yet, get him laid, I will love you forever."  
Jackie chuckles, "Challenge accepted."

Most of the team had heard about your best friend coming to visit. However, a certain dark haired supersoldier and his best friend had avoided any conversation about it. Bucky leaned over to Steve, “Jackie? Is she really calling Rollins, Jackie? And introduce? Everybody knows him.” He scoffs. Steve looks at him and rolls his eyes, but a few minutes later his jaw drops as you walk in the room arm in arm with Jackie.   
Jackie’s blond hair and blue eyes are set off by the tight blue dress she wears. She is, quite simply, drop dead gorgeous. You introduce her around as you make your way into the room. When you get close, you smile at Steve and introduce them to Jackie, “Captain Steve Rogers, Sergeant Bucky Barnes, this is Lady Jacqueline Falsworth, my best friend.”  
Steve holds out a hand, “Lady Falsworth, a pleasure to meet you.”  
“Oh , please call me Jackie.” She smiles at him brilliantly and then turns to shake Bucky’s hand.   
Bucky actually looks you in the eye for a moment and your heart skips a beat. You manage a smile, but he looks away just as quickly, eyes fastening back on Jackie. Your heart drops. You love your friend, but she is alluring and his eyes travel the length of her before looking away again.   
“Alright, people, it’s party time. Let’s go!” Tony’s voice booms. “Ooohh, is this the Lady Falsworth who decided to crash my party?”  
“One and the same, Mr. Stark.” Jackie smiles flirtatiously.   
“Tony. Well, allow me to escort you in.” Tony quirks his signature smile at her.   
“Only if you’ll call me Jackie.” She says as she takes Tony’s arm.   
“Well, well, well, you were right. She’s going to be fun.” Nat links arms with you as you make your way to the party.   
The party is a blast. Everyone drinks, dances, and talks. You end up owing Jackie $40. She manages to get Steve to blush three times while you only manage one. Despite her attempts though, Bucky manages to stay a fair distance from you the whole night. He seems immune to Jackie's charms.  
You, in a desperate ploy, try a different tact. You know these parties of Tony's can make him anxious. You notice Bucky alone off to one side watching and you manage to come up behind him without him noticing. In a smooth motion, you step up beside him, grab his hand giving it a quick squeeze, and let go. You look over to him and smile while his face registers a myriad of emotions. For a moment, it seemed like he would reach out to you, his arm flexed, his fingers splayed, and his hand moved closer for a moment before resignation settled on his face and he turned away. Another stab to your bruised heart.  
Bucky is elated to feel your touch and for a second he goes to grab your hand and hold it but then he understood. You were checking on the broken man. You know how weak he is and how much comfort your touch brings him. His gut twists as he turns away from you.  
"I saw that." Jackie murmurs from your side. "He wanted to reach out to you. Why didn't he?"  
You look at Jackie with sadness plain on your face. She knows the whole story and her question was rhetorical.   
At the end of the night everyone heads back to the common room. The mood is jovial and drinks are still being passed around.   
"I think it's a perfect night for Truth or Dare!" Natasha announces while giving you a sly look.   
“Oh, bring it!” You challenge.   
Steve is groaning when Tony pipes up, “We’re playing the rated R version, Lady Falsworth. You’re warned.”  
“Oh, I can more than handle it.” Jackie smirks.   
You have taken up residence in an oversized armchair and the rest of the group finds their places. Jackie makes sure to sit as close to Steve as humanly possible and he doesn’t seem to mind a bit as he leans in to say something in her ear. She giggles softly and nods. You watch the exchange with interest and raise an eyebrow at her when you catch her eye. She winks at you.   
The rounds begin with Sam asking Tony, “What’s your favorite position?”  
“Nothing better than watching a beautiful woman ride you.” Tony smirks. “Capsicle, truth or dare.”  
“Truth.” Steve says.   
“Are you a boobs or a butt man?” Tony smirks.  
“Both, but if I had to choose, butt. Sam, truth or dare.”  
“Dare.” Sam usually avoids truth if he can.   
“I dare you to give Bucky a compliment.” Steve says and the rest of the team laughs knowing the lovingly abrasive friendship the two have.   
“Man, how am I supposed to come up with something nice to say about Bucky?” Sam whines.  
“You can do two truths.” You needle Sam.   
“Bucky, you have pretty blue eyes.” Sam says primly and everyone cracks up. “Lady Jackie, truth or dare.”  
“Dare, please.” Jackie grins.   
Clint leans over to Sam and whispers in his ear. “I like it!” Sam says. Turning back to Jackie, he grins, “Kiss the most beautiful woman in the room.”  
Jackie grins wickedly and you know exactly what’s coming. She loves a spectacle. Faster than anyone’s eyes can register Jackie is across the room trailed by a small flame and straddling your lap.   
“I hate when you do that.” You laugh as you look up at her.  
“What the hell just happened?” Tony asks.  
“Didn’t I tell you Jackie’s an enhanced?” You smirk.  
“You failed to mention that.” Tony says.   
“I do believe I have a dare to discharge.” Jackie interrupts.   
“Oh, yes, what was it?” You smirk up at her.  
“Kiss the most beautiful woman in the room.” She smiles.   
“Nat’s over there.” You say.  
“Oh, she is beautiful, my darling, but you know I’ve always thought no one could parallel you.” Jackie leans in.   
“Then get to it.” You murmur as Jackie’s mouth melds to yours. It’s an intense kiss. Jackie presses into you wanting to put on a show. Her mouth opens and she coaxes you with her tongue. Deciding to play along, you meet her demands and arch up to her. Your hands snake around her waist and rest on the upper curves of her ass. When you part after a breathless couple of minutes you smile and say, “Hot damn, you can still kiss.”  
You both turn to look at the group and find most of them gaping at you. Steve and Tony look like their eyes might bug out. Bucky is scowling. Sam and Clint are high fiving each other.   
“Still?” Natasha practically squeals.   
“She may have sampled the goods previously.” You smirk.   
“Aren’t best friends the best way to learn how to kiss?” Jackie teases, eyeing Steve as she resumes her seat next to him. “Clint, truth or dare.”  
“Truth.”   
“What’s the wildest place you’ve ever had sex?”Jackie questions.  
“Roof ledge of the tower.” Clint grins.  
“That is somehow not surprising.” You laugh.   
Clint sticks his tongue out at you, “Uhhhh….Bucky, truth or dare.”  
Bucky looks up from his brooding to grouse, “Dare.”  
“Seven minutes in Heaven with...ah, hell, whoever you want. Take your pick.” Clint salutes him.   
You meet Nat’s eyes and then Jackie’s and you feel gut punched. You avert your eyes and stare at your hands until you realize Bucky’s beside you, grabbing your hand. You are unceremoniously dragged into a closet and you stare at Bucky as Clint closes the door.   
“Seven minutes starts now. Work fast, big guy.” Clint laughs.   
“Bucky…” Is all you manage to get out before his mouth overtakes yours. His kiss is desperate, hungry. You respond with everything you feel. Winding your arms around his neck, you press into him as he holds you. Your tongues explore each others’ mouths, your lips move in sync, and your breathing becomes ragged. After what feels like both an eternity and mere seconds, the knock signaling the seven minutes is up comes. Bucky breaks the kiss as quickly as he had initiated it and walks out without a backwards glance. He goes straight to the elevator and leaves.   
Looking out at your friends, you put on an affectation of calm and say, “I guess I overheated him.”   
“Well, I think that puts an end to the evening.” Tony says. The group is quick to disburse. Nat is at your side quickly and you whisper to her that you’ll talk about it later. She nods. You see Steve and Jackie are still on the couch and seem to be in their own little world. When you manage to catch Jackie’s eye, you send her a wink and mime that you’ll call tomorrow. She smiles at you and returns the wink before turning back to Steve.   
Nat walks with you to your room and as soon as you’re inside it you tell her what happened.   
“He has got me so fucking confused. I am tied up in knots, Nat.” You’re ambivalent. Unsure whether to be angry or sad or elated.  
“You need to go talk to him now.” Nat says. “Right now!”   
She points at the door and, deciding she’s right, you go directly to Bucky’s room. You knock and after a moment call out, “Bucky?” There’s no sound on the other side. You wait a few moments longer and knock again. When he hadn’t opened the door a full minute later you return to your room. “Friday, where’s Bucky?”  
“Sergeant Barnes is in his room.” Friday responds.  
So, he had heard you, he had just ignored you. Damnit.

Bucky was angry with himself. He had no choice in who he could pull into that closet with him. The mere thought of touching someone else made him physically ill. He had wanted to throw Jackie across the room seeing her lips on yours. And when he had the opportunity to do that himself, there was no way in this universe he was passing it up. His first kiss with you was a damn dare but he was intoxicated by it. The feel of you moving against him, wrapping your arms around him, and kissing him back had him punchdrunk. But when it was over and that knock sounded on the door it all came crashing down on him. You had said his name before he captured your mouth and he had known he couldn’t let you speak or he would never get that moment against your lips. Those minutes. They had seemed like seconds to him. He could swear Clint short changed you by several minutes. He couldn’t bear to look at you or anyone else afterwards and had gone straight to his room. Then a little while later to hear your sweet voice calling his name after knocking, he had stood frozen in place staring at the door. He couldn’t move. Fear had seized him. What if you were angry? What if you told him to stay the hell away from you? He was a moron. He had probably scared you away for the rest of his life. Damnit.


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep didn't come easily that night. You finally drift off at dawn and when you wake it's nearly 10am. You have a pounding headache but you have a plan formulated. First order is to check in with Jackie.  
"Friday, is Jackie still here?" You smirk to yourself.  
"Lady Falsworth is in Captain Roger's room." Friday responds.  
You giggle to yourself. Britain's Spitfire and Captain America. If the PR team knew they'd have a field day. You dress quickly and then grab a pair of leggings and a cropped sweater. You knock on Steve's door and he opens it just wide enough to reveal his face and shoulders. Silently, you hold out the clothes and smile. He sheepishly takes them from you.   
Returning to your room, you decide it's time for phase two of your plan. If you had to tie him down, Bucky was going to talk to you.   
"Friday, where's Bucky?" You ask nervously.  
"Sergeant Barnes left for a mission this morning." Friday responds.  
You feel sick, "What?"  
Friday repeats herself and you pull up the mission on your tablet. He and Sam were gone. It was a volunteer mission to check out an abandoned Hydra facility and you knew exactly why he went. He was avoiding you. It was time to face it. Bucky may want you physically, but he wants nothing else to do with you. You had to move past him.  
In the kitchen, you pour yourself coffee as Steve and Jackie come in.   
"Dammit, Jackie. Do you really have to look better in my clothes than I do?" You say half-heartedly.   
Jackie picks up on your mood, "What's the matter, dearest?"  
You glance at Steve and give a slight shake of your head. Jackie nods and turns to Steve. "I think we need some girl time, darling. Call me later?"  
"Yeah." Steve says and gives Jackie a peck on the lips. He turns to you, "Anything I can do?"  
You stare at Steve wondering how much he knows. Unfortunately, his expression gives nothing away. "No. Thanks."  
"Let's go find some brunch. I'm in desperate need of a bloody Mary." Jackie takes your hand.  
Once ensconced at your favorite brunch spot, you insist Jackie tells you about her night before you go through the dregs of yours.   
"We sat on the couch just talking for hours. He's very sweet. I was much more attracted to him than I thought I would be. And, after all, you did say he needed a good lay. Honestly, I did too. It was fantastic." Jackie enthuses.  
You manage a smile, "Has he earned a repeat performance?"  
"Every night I'm here." Jackie chuckles. "But…"  
"What, Jack? Come on."  
"I like him."  
You raise your eyebrows. Jackie doesn't often discuss her feelings. She had been widowed years before and, while she had a wild streak, she guarded her heart fiercely. "That's a good thing, Jackie. He's a good guy. Unlike his fucking best friend."  
"Your turn." Jackie sits back and looks at you.  
You tell her of the kiss, knocking on his door, your sleepless night, and the plan that imploded. "He volunteered to leave, Jackie. Right after we kiss. What would you take away from that?"  
"That he's a master of avoidance. Do you think there's any chance he thinks he's not worthy of you?"  
"I don't think so. I don't know, but I never will if he won't talk to me."  
"He can't stay away forever. Should I talk to Steve about it?"  
"No. Don't put yourself in that position. Enjoy your time with him. You deserve that. I just need to move on. I can't keep doing this." Suddenly, an idea occurs to you, "You know what…" You grab your phone and start sending a text.  
"What are you doing?" Jackie asks.  
"The stupidest thing I can think of." You show her the text you are sending.  
"Bravo. Now, I think we both deserve a shopping spree. What do you say?" Jackie holds out her hand and you take it.  
"Let's go." You smile at your best friend.

The next evening Sam and Bucky are on their way back. The mission had been a bust. There was absolutely nothing of value to be gleaned. Sam complained loudly to Bucky about being pushed into the assignment nearly the entire way back and then needled him for the reason he had been so desperate to leave. He knew it had something to do with the dare from the night before and he finally managed to browbeat Bucky into explaining the whole situation to him.   
When Bucky finished Sam looks at him with a blank expression and then says, "That is the stupidest, most moronic, idiotic, dumbass, ignorent… hang on, I gotta look up more words for stupid...nimrod, dense, imbocilic thing I've ever heard!"  
"Really, Birdbrain?"  
"I got more if you need it. There's a whole list here." Sam gestures to his phone.  
"Why?" Bucky growls.  
"The internet provides tons of information." Sam deadpans.  
"WHY IS IT STUPID, BIRDBRAIN?!? YOU'RE KILLIN ME!" Bucky yells.  
"Because you have no idea who she was talking about." Sam says unperturbed.  
"Who the hell else would she be talking about?"  
"You know, for a guy with so many self-esteem issues you are really self-centered." Sam pushes his friend playfully.  
"Sam!"  
"Man, she could have been talking about me. Or Steve. Or Carl in forensics for all you know. You said you never heard her say your name. You're an idiot. Why didn't you just ask her? Dumbass. That's why she's been walking around so hurt all the time. You keep going to her, breaking her heart, and then walking away. You won't talk to her and then you kiss her like a madman, she tries to talk to you about it, and you ignore her and then run away! You're a moron. You're damn lucky if you haven't fucked this up for good. You need to fix this dude. Tonight. As soon as we get back."  
Bucky's mind took in all of Sam's speech, "I'm breaking her heart?"  
"What did you think you were doing, man?"  
"I don't know!" Bucky says exasperated. "I thought she didn't trust me. That I made her uncomfortable!"  
"Yeah, I know a lot of women who let men they don't trust into their bedrooms with absolutely no fear. I mean that wouldn't make any woman uncomfortable at all." Sam rolls his eyes.  
"What do I do?" Bucky looks desperately at Sam.  
"Talk to her. Apologize. Profusely. Tell her how you feel. Be honest. You know, what you should have done months ago." Sam puts a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You can do this, man. Also, remind me to tell Steve he's an idiot, too."

Bucky enters the common room to find Nat, Jackie, and Steve lounging around with a few beers. Not seeing you, he turns to Jackie, "Where is she?"  
"She had a date." Jackie says and turns to Nat, "She looked marvelous by the way. I convinced her to buy this tight, grey dress and it certainly accentuated her assets."  
Bucky growls at the thought of another man touching you.   
"Problem, Sergeant Barnes?" Jackie says.  
Bucky stalks from the room. Steve watches and follows him saying, "I'm gonna go check on him."  
Jackie looks at Nat and they both smirk.

"Why did you ask me out?" You ask, looking Jack Rollins in the eye. The two of you were sitting at the bar of a local restaurant waiting for your table to be ready.   
"You're gorgeous. Why wouldn't I ask you out?" Jack smiles.  
You appreciate the compliment but also accept the shallowness of it. You knew Jack's motives were most likely sex before you agreed to the date, but you still feel a little disappointed.   
"There's a lot of pretty faces in the world, Jack." You laugh.  
"Yeah." He shrugs but continues to smile.  
You feel uneasy suddenly. Something about Jack's demeanor you had never noticed before. He was a great team guy, but now, one on one, you were getting the same uncomfortable feeling you get around the Strike team leader, Rumlow. You wonder why it hadn't happened before. The hostess comes to get you and takes you to a table. Dinner is slightly awkward. As you finish your entrees Jack looks at you and says, "So, my place?"  
You raise an eyebrow and are glad you had already discreetly ordered a car for pickup. "Presumptuous, aren't we?"  
"You knew what this was about from the beginning." Jack smiles thinking he has a sure thing.  
"You know, Rollins, when I texted you the other day I told my friend it was the stupidest thing I could think of to do. Damn, I wish I had been wrong."  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rollins looks at you with a sneer.   
"It means, good night, Rollins." You say clearly.  
"You stupid bitch." Rollins gets up and walks out.  
"Are you okay?" The waitress had apparently overheard the last bit.  
"Perfect. Stopped myself from doing something really stupid." You smile at her. "Check, please." You pay for the meal and leave a hefty tip for the waitress's kindness.

You return home and find Jackie and Nat in the kitchen chatting.   
"How'd it go? My guess is not well since you're home already." Jackie states.  
You roll your eyes. "I told you it was the stupidest thing I could think of and I was right."  
"When would anything with Rollins ever be considered a good idea?" Nat laughs.  
"True. He's just looking for a one and done. I really don't have it in me. Not worth the capitol." You get a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water.  
"Or your heart isn't available." Jackie says and, giving her a warning look, you pop two ibuprofen into your mouth and drain the glass of water.  
"Bucky's back." Nat says.  
Your hand clenches the glass and before you realize what you're doing it shatters against the opposite wall. You stand there taking deep breaths and staring at the broken pieces that reflect how your heart feels.  
"Tell us how you really feel." Jackie raises an eyebrow at you.   
"I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from." You whisper.  
"I do." Nat and Jackie say practically in unison.  
You move to the pantry to get the broom and clean up your mess. You can't stop yourself from asking, "Are they okay?"  
"Fine. It was a…" Nat begins, but Jackie quickly interrupts.  
"A bad one. Steve is checking on Bucky now." Jackie looks at Nat, who is eyeing her suspiciously, and mouths "trust me." Nat nods.  
"Oh." You say, worry for Bucky taking root and making you angry with yourself.  
"Perhaps you should go find him." Jackie says.  
"No, pretty sure he'll find me." You sigh.  
"You're probably right." Nat says. She's realized Jackie's trying to soften you up towards Bucky. "He seemed pretty distraught when he got back." Which was the truth, sort of.  
You had finished cleaning up the glass and looked at your two friends with a tight smile, "I'm gonna go to bed early."  
"Night." Nat says.  
"Sleep well, dearest. I'll call you tomorrow." Jackie says.  
"You mean you aren't staying the night again?" You half-heartedly sass her.  
"We shall see." Jackie actually blushes and you can't help the smile that comes to your face. You give your friend a hug and head to your room, readying yourself for bed quickly. As you go to pull the covers down, a familiar knock sounds at your door.


	5. Chapter 5

It takes you a minute to work up the nerve to open your door. Your heart twists as you let Bucky in. You take a deep breath and, with the understanding of his need for comfort, take up your position on the bed.   
Bucky allows himself to look at you, something he usually doesn’t do for fear of seeing your disgust or annoyance at his weakness. Now, he sees the sadness in your face. His heart wrenches realizing he put it there. Sam was right, he was hurting you each time he showed up at your door. He had written off your feelings because his own were so hurt by an assumption and fear. You had walked into his life like an angel of light and, at the first test, he had failed you. His own failure weighs heavily on him and he knows now more than ever he isn’t worthy of you. Bucky knows he shouldn’t but this may be the last time he will ever feel your hands on him again. Selfishly, he lays down and puts his head on your thigh, relishing the feel and scent of you. He knows he can never seek your comfort again. You deserved, more than anything, to be with someone who would never hurt you like he did. But for this moment he would allow himself to feel your hands one more time as tears ran down his face.  
As you stroke his hair, you are fighting back your own tears. You feel the need for comfort and wish you could find solace in his arms as well. You are in a desperate fight with yourself to keep your tears in and not to sniff giving away your emotional state. It’s then that Bucky brushes his fingertips up and down your lower leg and your heart rips open at the tender gesture. Your body stiffens as you attempt to hold in the emotional onslaught.   
“Don’t.” Comes out of your mouth harsher than you mean. Your voice is choked.   
Bucky feels you tense and, as soon as the hateful word leaves your mouth, he withdraws his hand. He sighs deeply, sounding almost like a sob, and pushes himself up from the bed to leave. "Bucky, please." Your voice breaks as you put a hand over your mouth but the sob escapes anyway.   
Bucky pauses and his head drops down before he walks out the door and closes it softly behind him. He leans his head back against it for a moment and hears your sobs breaking though. His heart is heavy as he replays the broken sound of his name coming from your lips in his head. It had taken everything in him to walk out leaving you like that but you had practically begged him to leave. He wants nothing more than to offer you the same comfort he finds in you, but how could you want someone who has failed you as badly as he? Sam had said he would be lucky if he hadn’t fucked it up and he hadn’t had good luck in 70 years. 

You grab your phone and text Jackie, “Where are you? He came to me and I messed up. I think I lost him. I don’t know what to do. I can’t breathe.”  
Jackie and Steve are curled up on the couch together when Jackie gets the text. She jumps off the couch just as Bucky enters the room. She shoves Bucky, “What did you do?”  
Bucky stares at her stunned and she shoves him again, “What did you do? Why do you keep hurting her? She loves you, you idiot. Why?”   
Jackie is about to shove Bucky again when he grabs her wrists, “What did you say?”  
Jackie realizes the slip of her tongue, “Let go of me.”  
Bucky releases her and stares her down, “What did you…" But Jackie is gone leaving a trail of flames behind her.  
Jackie bursts into your room a minute after your text. You are on the bed, clutching your sheets while sobbing and hyperventilating.   
"Calm down, dearest. It's okay. I'm here. Calm down. Take a deep breath." Jackie repeats herself as she holds you. You're so distraught you can't seem to get words out for what seems like forever but wasn't more than 10 minutes.   
Finally, with a deep shuddering breath, you manage to tell Jackie what happened.   
"Oh, dearest, I'm so sorry. I don't know what he's thinking… I, I have to make a confession. Two, actually." Jackie looks at you with a forlorn expression.   
"What?" You rasp out.  
"The mission didn't go badly. It was a bust. Nothing happened but Bucky came back and was looking for you and I wanted to… I don't know. Soften you up towards him, I guess. I thought, I don't know what I thought. And, second, worse, I ran into Bucky as I was coming to you. I was angry and scared and I… well, I shoved and yelled at him and I may have let it slip that you love him. I'm so sorry!"  
You stare at her for a moment and then start to laugh. Jackie looks at you bewildered which makes you laugh harder until your laughter collapses into sobs. Jackie holds you through the torrent. She stays with you through the hours of crying and self-recrimination and then she holds you as you fall into an exhausted sleep.

“Steve, you have to go check on her.” Bucky says after Jackie had been gone for nearly an hour.   
"Jackie's with her, Buck. Let them have some space. How do you, uh, feel about what Jackie said?" Steve asks.  
"There's no way she loves me. Not after everything I've done wrong." Bucky says.  
"What do you mean?"   
"I hurt her, Steve. I thought it was just me getting hurt but I've hurt her over and over. What if she wasn't talking about me that day in the gym? What if I stopped talking to her for nothing? I should have asked her about it. Shoulda talked to her. I failed her at the first."  
"Bucky, you're not making any sense…"  
Sam walks in, "Hey idiots! What's going on? You fix it yet, Buck?"   
Both the supersoldiers stare at their friend.   
"What?" Sam asks. "Don't tell me you still haven't made up!"  
Bucky hangs his head.  
"So, I was right?" Sam says.  
"About what?" Steve asks, confused.  
"You guys are idiots." Sam rolls his eyes. "Sit. Talk." Sam points to the couch and Bucky tells him what happened. "Yeah, we're going to have to do something big to fix this." Sam turns to Steve, "Please don't be this stupid when it comes to Jackie."  
Steve rolls his eyes.   
"We are not going to do anything. I don't deserve her." Bucky says.  
"So, you think, stupidly, that you don't deserve her, so you're gonna make her miserable for the rest of your lives? Bucky, you deserve her. You made a stupid mistake. Tell her, apologize, and let her decide. Maybe she'll decide she doesn't want to be with you or maybe she won't care and you live happily ever after. Or maybe she punishes you for the rest of your life. But she should get a choice in the matter."  
"I gotta agree with him, Buck." Steve says.  
"Come on, man, you gotta give love a chance!" Sam prods..   
"What do I do?" Bucky says.

The next morning you wake wrapped in Jackie’s arms. Your back to her front. As soon as you stir, Jackie presses a kiss to your head.   
“Good morning, dearest. How are you?” Jackie gives you a squeeze.  
You turn over in her arms and look at her, “You told him I love him and he didn't…” you start to cry again.   
“I know, love. I’m so sorry. He’s not in his right mind.” Jackie says.  
“Fuck. I’m pathetic.” You say through tears.  
“No, dearest, you’re hurt. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s ok to be broken.” Jackie holds you. She holds you much like you held her after her husband’s death. She understands heartbreak. “Come back with me to England. We can leave today. Spend a few weeks away from everything.”  
“I can’t just up and leave my job and everything, Jackie.”   
“You said you have a ton of vacation time saved up. You haven’t been back to the manor in ages. Brian would love to see you.” Jacke says.  
You manage a small smile at that. “Your brother would love to see me, huh? Why? So he can roll his eyes and pick on us like he’s always done?”  
“He always had a little crush on you.” Jackie smiles.   
“Did not!” You exclaim.   
“Oh, he so did!” Jackie laughs.   
“Shut up.” You say. "What about you and Steve?"  
"Can't last forever, dearest. We live on opposite sides of the ocean. I was leaving in two days anyway." Jackie sighs.  
"I'm sorry."   
"Don't be. I'm glad I met him. We both knew it was just a fling and it's fine. Let's go home."  
"Okay." You make up your mind.  
"Truly?"  
"Yes, but please don't tell Steve. I'll send them all a message once we're gone. I don't want them all trying to talk me out of it."  
"Done. Pack your things. I'm going to tell Steve I have to go home but I won't tell him about you. Can you be ready in an hour or so?"  
"Yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

Almost two hours later, you and Jackie head to her hotel room to gather her things. Steve had offered to take Jackie to the airport but she had told him that you were going to take her. She apologized that her last night wasn't spent with him and a kiss goodbye turned into more.  
"I'm sorry that took longer than I thought." Jackie says but the smile on her face conveys a different story.  
"You needed time for a proper goodbye." You wink at her. Your heart is heavy but you find yourself hoping that perhaps Steve and Jackie can find more time together in the future. Thinking of Steve only brought Bucky to mind and your heart gave a pang as you recalled the gentle way he had caressed your leg last night. It had been such a sweet gesture. The first in weeks and your heart had wrenched open. You berated yourself for the harsh "don't" that had pushed past your lips. It's not that you hadn't wanted his touch but your heart was breaking and you couldn't take it. Not if it couldn't be more. Not if you couldn't mean more to him. And obviously you didn't, otherwise, he would have stayed when you practically begged him to. Or he would have come back to you after Jackie's confession.   
As the car takes you to the airport that afternoon you prepare an email explaining the need to go home to Fury and Hill and then a second to your teammates.   
"Dear Team,  
I have decided to take the next two weeks and return to England with Jackie as no missions are pending. Please feel free to reach out to me via email should you need anything.   
Thanks."  
Short, simple, and to the point. You set your phone on airplane mode and put it away. Jackie squeezes your hand. As you gaze out the window, the airport comes into view.  
\--  
Bucky, Sam, and Steve are in Steve's room. Steve had explained to both of them about Jackie's departure and that you would be gone most of the day with her.  
"I don't know what to do." Bucky says to the two.  
"Confess everything and beg her forgiveness for being a dumbass." Sam shrugs.  
"You said it needed to be something big." Bucky exclaims.  
"Maybe it should be something simpler." Steve says. "What kind of flowers does she like? Or chocolate or something? A thoughtful gift and a good talk. That's what you really need."  
As Steve finished his little speech, each of their phones dinged signaling a team message. Bucky was the first to pull out his phone and his face registered disbelief as he read the message. Steve and Sam each stare at their phones before meeting eyes. They both look to Bucky.  
“Fuck.” Bucky groans.   
“Bucky?” Steve says.   
Bucky runs his hand roughly through his hair. “What the fuck do I do now? I pushed her so hard she’s putting an ocean between us. Fuck!”   
\--  
Jackie had booked first class tickets and the flight was comfortable and uneventful. By the time you arrived, got your luggage, and found the chauffeur, you were actually feeling excited to be going to the manor. It was the closest thing to a home you had.   
“God, how long has it been since I’ve been back?” You look at Jackie.   
“Six years, I think.” Jackie smiles at you.   
You smile back, “I’m glad I came.”   
“Me, too, dearest. Me, too.”   
As the car pulls up to the house, you take in as much as you can in the darkness. The front door opens and light spills out onto the circle drive in front of the house. Brian is backlit in the doorway, a six-foot-tall wall of muscle, supersoldier known as Union Jack, and hero. Also, the boy who had teased you mercilessly. You exit the car, run to him, throw your arms around his neck and hug him hard.   
"Welcome back, stranger." Brian grins at your show of affection.   
"Good to be back. Sorry to spring myself on you so suddenly." You say.  
"Your room is always ready." His brown eyes are kind and he smiles as he greets his sister. "How was your trip?"   
"Immensely pleasurable. I hope to visit again soon." She winks at you.  
"Are either of you hungry?" Brian asks as he follows you into the house.   
"No, but I could use a drink." You say.  
"Me, too." Jackie says, leading you all into the drawing room.   
"Sherry or brandy?" Brian walks to the bar.  
"Sherry." Jackie says.   
"Brandy." You say with a chuckle.  
"What's funny, love?" Brian asks.  
"I am back in the UK. That question would be 'Beer or whiskey?' in New York." You smile at him.   
He goes about fixing the drinks and you take a moment to look him over. He hadn't changed much in six years. The thick head of dark brown hair was now styled in an undercut that was downright sexy but the chocolate brown eyes, full lips and straight nose were the same. As was his breathtaking smile, which was turned full force on you as he brought your drink. “How long will you be with us?”  
“Two weeks.” You say.  
“And what are you escaping?” Brian, ever perceptive, stares you down.   
“My own stupidity.” You laugh darkly.   
“I would say there was more stupidity on the other end, dearest.” Jackie says.   
“I see, a broken heart. Who is he?” Brian raises an eyebrow.   
“A teammate. Pretty stupid, right?” You berate yourself mentally.   
“Happens to all of us, love. At some point.” Brian says.   
You nod to him and drain the remainder of your brandy. “Thanks for the drink. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Good night.”  
“Good night, dearest.” Jackie says.   
“Good night.” Brian watches as you leave and then turns back to Jackie who is smirking up at him. “Don’t start, Jackie. I won't pounce on her the minute she gets here to be a rebound.”  
“I’ll give you a break tonight. Just two things. First, she wasn't in a relationship. It was more she fell for someone who can't or won't reciprocate. Second, she's only here for two weeks. Good night, brother." Jackie pats his shoulder as she leaves him to his thoughts.  
\--  
You enter your bedroom to find your luggage already unpacked and everything put away neatly. You pull your dead phone out and plug it in. It can wait until tomorrow. The brandy works it's magic and you fall asleep quickly.   
You wake the next morning and roll over facing your phone on the nightstand. After a few moments, you push yourself out of the bed and go down for some breakfast. Brian is is already in the dining room working on his tablet and eating.   
“Good morning, love. How are you?” Brian greets.  
“I’m okay. How about you?”   
“I’m fine. I asked the staff to make some coffee for you. It’s right here.” He motions to the small service sitting next to him.   
You smile, “That was very thoughtful. Thank you.”  
“I know how much you love your coffee.” Brian chuckles.  
“True. What are you working on?”  
“Just reviewing quarterlies for Falsworth Industries. Nothing of interest. What are you planning to do today?”  
“Is there a mount I can borrow? It’s been a long time since I’ve been riding.”  
“Of course. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve been out. Would you mind company or would you prefer some solitude?” Brian asks.  
“I was hoping for a little solitude, honestly. I feel like I’ve been crowded lately. Too many emotions, too much going on. I think a ride would clear my mind.” You give an apologetic smile.   
“Understandable, love. That’s why I asked.”   
An hour later you are riding out onto the grounds surrounding the manor. Familiar with the paths throughout the surrounding woods, you lose yourself in the feel of the horse. You remember back to when you first came here. After your parents died in a drunk driving accident, you were sent to live with your only living relative. A great-uncle you had met once in your 14 years who was the agent for Falsworth Manor. A job and title that were retired after his death. Uncle Michael had been a sweet and caring man despite having an American teenager thrown at him. He had accepted you and introduced you to the Falsworth family which is how your friendship with Jackie had begun. Lord and Lady Falsworth had been kind towards you and had taken you under their wing when Uncle Michael died three months prior to you completing secondary school. You returned to the states for college and managed to be recruited into SHIELD. It was when your marksmanship was put up against that of Clint Barton and you matched him shot for shot that you got the attention of Nick Fury. Once Clint decided to retire, you were the logical choice to take his place on the Avengers team.   
Your heart ached at the thought of your team and you decided to make your way back towards the stables. It was time to return to reality and turn on your phone. You were dreading it.


	7. Chapter 7

You return from your ride to find Jackie waiting. She leads you to lunch on the veranda. When you get to your room a little later, you boot up your phone and then stare off into space as it loads. You ignore all the notifications and go straight to your email. A message from Hill acknowledging your time off, one from Steve doing the same if a bit curtly, and a third from Bucky. It just says "Don't." You hit delete feeling mocked. The word echoes in your head, broken sounding and painful. And as harsh as it sounded ripped from your lips as he touched you.  
Seeing a dozen missed calls, multiple texts, and two voicemails drains you. You skip all of them and call Nat.  
"Hey. Are you okay?" Nat picks up almost immediately.  
"I'm fine. I'm home." You shrug even though she can't see it. "How's everything there?"  
"Chaos." Nat says flatly.  
"Why? What happened?" You ask, concerned.  
"One of our teammates lost his mind over an email." Nat says.  
"Don't make me have to pull it out of you, Nat, please."  
Nat sighs, "Yeah, sorry. Bucky went a little crazy over your email. He doesn't understand why you left. He seems pretty brokenhearted."  
"I've been brokenhearted for months over him. It has to stop, Nat. He can't expect me to wait around for him to talk to me. He's avoided me and hurt me. Jackie told him I love him and he didn't do anything. He didn't come to me, he didn't try to talk, nothing. So, now that his toy has been taken away he's throwing a tantrum. Fuck that." You seeth.  
"He doesn't think you're a toy. He's scared and doesn't know how to express his emotions."  
"I'm starting to wonder if we're toxic for each other.”  
“Don’t think that. You just need to have a conversation with him. Figure all of this out.” Nat says earnestly.   
“I don’t know.”  
“Is Brian there?”  
“Of course. He lives here. I... I gotta go, Nat. I'll see you in a couple of weeks, okay?"  
"Okay. Stay safe."  
"Will do. You, too.'  
Looking down at your phone, the notifications seem to mock you. You decide they can wait. The call to Nat was enough. You go to find Jackie and tell her everything.  
"Perhaps you're right." Jackie says.  
"Which part?" You ask.  
"Toxic seems a good way to describe your relationship. It's certainly not healthy."  
"True. I don't know. It's like we can never get on the same page."   
"Ships passing in the night?"  
"While lobbing cannonballs." You deadpan.  
Jackie laughs.   
“Nat thinks we just need to talk and get it all out there, but he’s avoided it over and over and now he wants to when I’m an ocean away.” You shake your head. “I don’t know what to do.”   
“What’s in the voicemails and texts?” Jackie asks.   
“I haven’t listened to or read them.” You shrug.  
“Want to while I’m here with you?” Jackie asks.   
“Sure. Help me keep my head on straight.” You pull your phone out. The dozen missed calls are all from Bucky. The first voicemail is a hang up. The second one you hear Bucky's strained voice come through "Please don't go." Your heart hurts at the sound of his voice. You move on to the texts. One from Natasha, "Let me know you make it safe. Call me when you can."  
The rest, again, from Bucky. "Don't", "Don't go", "Please don't do this", "Don't leave" "Don't leave me", "Answer your phone", "Please don't go", "Please", "I need you."  
"He needs me." You are on the verge of tears. You look at Jackie. Fury, hurt, and heartbreak warring within you. "He needs me?"   
"Dearest…"  
"He doesn't want me, he doesn't care about me, he doesn't love me, he… he needs me?" You say trembling with rage as you go. "Needs me to stay where he can ignore me, refuse to talk to me, and use me. HE NEEDS ME?!?" You collapse into sobs.   
Jackie holds you as you cry and even understands your anger. She smooths your hair, "I'm so sorry, dearest. I think you coined it earlier. This is toxic. It's time to break free of it."  
You nod through the tears. "You're right."  
"I, um, I read or heard this quote once. It said 'Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you and trusting them not to.' Don't give Bucky the ability to destroy you. There's someone much better out there for you. Someone who wouldn't hurt you this way. That you can trust. I don't think you really loved Bucky, I think you were poisoned with him. So, cry, scream, whatever you need to do, but get rid of this toxin in you, dearest." Jackie has tears in her own eyes. You two stay entangled on the couch for a long time.   
\--  
By the next day, the rage had died down leaving you listless but you felt you were seeing things with more clarity. You, Jackie, and Brian spent the morning riding. Brian showed off jumping fences and hedges, ever the expert horseman.   
Later that afternoon as you are wandering the house you end up in the drawing room. Looking over the paintings and furniture, you find yourself stopping in front of the old phonograph. You remember occasionally seeing Lord and Lady Falsworth playing it and dancing together. On a whim you start it and out flows the melodious voice of Ella Fitzgerald. You smile and sway to the music remembering the times in the few months you lived here when you would see the two dancing.   
"May I have this dance?"  
You turn surprised at the sound of his voice. Brian is standing next to you with a soft smile and hand outstretched. Smiling, you take his hand and allow him to pull you close. There's something comfortable about being in his arms. It feels natural. You move together easily.  
"You're still a good dancer." Brian says.  
"Not really, you're just good at leading." You smile up at him.  
"We're good together." Brian looks at you softly. "I've always dreamed of this"  
"Dancing in the drawing room like your parents did?"  
He pulls your hand he's been holding to his chest and places it over his heart covering it with his own. "With you."  
"Brian…"  
"Please, let me say this. I've loved you since we were kids. My sister's best friend, the beautiful girl down the lane, but especially the incredible woman she grew into. I know you’re hurt right now and I don't want to pressure you or be a rebound, but when you're ready I'd give anything for a chance with you. I just feel like I need to say it to you face to face while I can. You don't have to say anything right now, just think about it for me, Love. Think about me."   
You look into Brian's eyes and study him for a few moments. He seems to scarcely breathe. Finally, you give him a small smile, "I promise I'll think about it. Can you do one thing for me?"  
"Anything, love."   
You look at him and bite your lip, "Kiss me."  
Brian grins as his mouth descends on yours. His kiss is slow, thoughtful, and charged with passion. He kisses you thoroughly but pulls back without any demands or pushing further. He puts his arms around you and continues dancing. You rest your head on his strong shoulder. Yes, you would definitely think about it. About him.   
\--  
“Hello, Steve.” Jackie answers his phone.   
“Hey Jackie. How are you?” Steve asks.  
“I’m doing well, darling. Still a little sad my trip got cut short.”  
“Me, too. How is she? She won’t answer her phone.” Steve asks.  
“She’s… fine. She needs the time away to clear her head.” Jackie says.  
“Jackie, she needs to come home. Bucky’s going crazy.” Steve says.  
"Bucky hurt her and drove her away. I'm sorry. I know he's your best friend, but she's mine and I don't think he's good for her. Their relationship is toxic." Jackie descends the stairs and, hearing the music in the drawing room, wanders towards it. She peeks through the door to see her brother and you dancing slowly, wrapped in each other's arms.  
"It's not toxic. It's a misunderstanding." Steve defends.   
"It's gone on too long." Jackie says quietly after backing away from the door. "Bucky had so many chances and he didn't take them. She deserves to be happy."  
"Are you pushing your brother at her?" Steve accuses.  
"I don't have to. He seems to be doing a fine job of it on his own." Jackie says lightly.  
"What does that mean?" Steve asks.  
"My parents used to dance in the drawing room to this old phonograph. I just saw she and Brian dancing in there. For a moment, it was like seeing my parents again.” Jackie says sadly.   
Steve softens hearing the whimsical tone of her voice. “I wish I’d gotten the chance to dance with you.”  
“Me, too, darling. I hate all this going on between our friends. Please understand that I don’t want to hurt Bucky. I feel for him. Really, I do. But she’s my best friend and I’m going to protect her. I’m going to be on her side, the same way I expect you to be on his.” Jackie says.  
“I know. I care about you, Jackie. No matter what else happens.” Steve says.   
“I care about you, too, darling. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”  
“Okay. Bye, sweetheart.” Steve says.  
“Bye, darling.” Jackie says. 

Steve looks at Bucky as he ends the call and silently shakes his head. Bucky grinds the heels of his hands against his eye sockets and says, “Friday, where’s Tasha?”   
“Agent Romanoff is in the kitchen.” Friday responds.   
“What are you doing?” Steve asks.  
“She’s her closest female friend besides Jackie. She’s the one I need advice from on this. Shoulda asked her sooner.”  
As they approach the kitchen, Natasha looks up at them. “What’s going on?”  
“Nat, what do I do?” Bucky asks defeatedly.   
“What did you do? Why did she leave?” Natasha throws back at him.   
“Shortly after she got here, you two were having a conversation in the training room and I overheard it. She was saying she couldn’t trust someone, there’s something off about him, and that he made her uncomfortable. I thought she was talking about me.” Bucky says.   
Nat’s brow furrows as she tries to remember the conversation. “We...we were talking about Brock Rumlow. He gives her the creeps and he’s always hitting on her even though she has clearly told him no. Why would you ever think she would say that about you?’  
“After everything I’ve done?” Bucky’s face is full of self-recrimination.   
“We’ve all got red in our ledger one way or another. Even her. She’s not the kind to ever hold it against you. She thought you hung the moon. And you keep hurting her. She hasn’t wanted to confront you about it. She’s scared it’ll push you away even further. She said she’d rather have the small part of you she did than none at all. That’s how much she loves you.” Nat emphasises her last sentence by jabbing her finger in Bucky’s chest repeatedly.   
“How can I fix this, Nat? I’ve fucked it up so bad.” Bucky’s voice is sorrowful.   
"Do you love her?" Nat asks. Bucky hangs his head and doesn't respond. Nat scoffs, "Get past the tough guy bullshit and answer me. Do you love her?"  
"Yes." Bucky's voice cracks as he says it and Nat believes him.  
"She thinks you don't have feelings for her. That you don't want her. And the longer she has to wait to find out, the more likely she is to move on. Jackie has a handsome brother at home that's apparently always had feelings for her. I mean you can wait out the two weeks and hope nothing happens there. Or, I know this isn’t some romantic comedy, but you can go get our girl." Nat gives just a hint of a smirk.   
"Are you sure she loves me?" Bucky asks.  
"No, I'm breaking the confidence of one of my best friends for shits and giggles." Nat spits out.   
“Thank you.” Bucky turns on his heel and heads to his room to pack a bag. It’s time to go.


	8. Chapter 8

Late the next morning you are reading in the library when a light knock sounds at the door.  
“Come in.” You call.  
“Hello, Love.” Brian walks in.   
“Hey. How was your trip into town?”   
“Productive. Especially, since I saw these as I was passing the market.” He holds out a bowl of cherries.   
“Cherries! I love cherries. How did you remember that?” You ask as you take the bowl.   
“I remember you ate nearly an entire basket of them the last time you were here. I couldn’t stop watching your mouth.” Brian runs his thumb over your lower lip.   
You reach up and still his hand. “That was very thoughtful of you. Thank you.” You place a kiss on the pad of his thumb while looking into his eyes. Brian tips your chin up and his mouth is descending when another knock sounds on the door.   
Brian makes a small groan and steps back, “Come in.”  
“Forgive the interruption. There are two gentlemen here to see you both.” Mrs. Wells, the housekeeper, says.   
“Did you get their names?” You ask.   
“Captain Rogers and a Sergeant Barnes.” She replies.   
Your stomach drops. You look to Brian, then back to Mrs. Wells. “Are you certain?”  
“Yes, miss. They are waiting in the drawing room.” Mrs. Wells affirms.   
“Thank you, Mrs. Wells. Fetch Jackie and then please bring tea for us and our guests.” Brian says.   
“Yes, Lord Falsworth.” She says and departs.   
“You don’t have to see them if you don’t want to. I’ll receive them and send them on their way.” Brian takes your hand.   
“No, I should see them. It’ll be okay.” You say.   
Brian leads you down the hall still holding your hand and you meet Jackie as she descends the stairs.   
“Are you alright, dearest?” Jackie asks.   
“I’m fine. I’m just surprised.” You say.  
You are about to enter the drawing room when Jackie pulls you to a stop, pointing to your hand still joined with Brian’s. “Oh.” You squeeze his hand and give him a small smile before letting go. You take a deep breath and walk in.   
“Hello Steve, Bucky.” You say. You refused to ask why they are here as if you didn’t know the answer. “May I introduce Lord Brian Falsworth? Brian, this is Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant Bucky Barnes, my Avengers teammates.”  
“An honor to meet you both.” Brian says smoothly, shaking each of their hands.   
“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Steve says. Bucky shakes Brian’s hand but remains silent. His gaze appraises Brian as he moves back to stand beside you before moving to look you in the eye. Your heart burns when Bucky looks at you with his intense blue gaze. He had so rarely met your eyes over the last several months.  
Jackie says hello to Bucky and goes to Steve who envelopes her in a hug. “Hello Darling.” She says as she steps out of his embrace.   
“Hi Sweetheart.” Steve smiles at her and for a second it feels that you are intruding on their moment.   
When Jackie turns back to you she cocks her head and says, "What's that you have, dearest?"  
"Oh!" You realize you're still holding the bowl of cherries. "Brian brought me some cherries."  
"Your favorite." Jackie smiles.  
"Uh, yeah." You smile and set the bowl on the table.   
"Can we talk somewhere?" Bucky says suddenly as if he had been holding back as long as he could.   
"I've sent for tea. We'll have some refreshments and then we can make arrangements for your stay." Brian says. On cue, Mrs. Wells rolls the tea cart in.   
"Thank you, Mrs. Wells. I'll pour." You say quickly.  
"Very good, miss." She says before exiting.  
"How do you take your tea?" You look at Steve and Bucky.   
"No, thank you." Bucky practically growls.  
"Two sugars." Steve says.  
You pour for everyone, knowing how Jackie and Brian take their tea.   
"I assume you gentlemen will be staying with us." Brian states as he accepts his tea with a gentle smile for you.  
"If it's no imposition." Steve says with a tight smile.   
"Of course you'll stay with us." Jackie speaks up, smiling at Steve.  
You give Jackie a look but she merely winks at you. Brian is making small talk with Steve. Draining your cup, you look at Bucky whose eyes haven't left you since you had poured tea. "Why don't we take a walk?"  
Bucky is out of his seat in a second and holding his hand out to you. You take it to stand but immediately let go. Before leaving you look at Brian and see his guarded expression. You give him a pleading look willing him to understand the predicament you're in and he softens to give you a small smile.  
You lead Bucky out to the back lawn. Bucky notices that your arms are crossed over your chest as if you are protecting yourself. His heart hurts knowing that he caused you so much pain.   
“I missed you.” Bucky says softly.   
The words are sweet but frustration rises in you. You needed to understand why he wouldn’t talk to you. What had closed him off and then made him so desperate to have you back. In truth, he’d never had you. He had shut himself down before you made it to that point. You felt as if you were a toy he didn’t want until it was taken away from him. “Why?” You stop and look at Bucky. “Why did you stop talking to me?”  
“I overheard you and Nat talking one day in training. You were talking about how you couldn’t trust someone. They made you uncomfortable. I thought you were talking about me. I asked Natasha about it yesterday and she told me it was about Rumlow, not me. I’m so sorry. I’m… I’m so sorry.” Bucky looks at you desperately.  
“That’s why you stopped talking to me? Why didn’t you ask me? You just shut me out. I thought I did something wrong. I thought… I thought you had feelings for me and then you just stopped talking or looking at me or anything. For weeks and then you show up to my room looking for comfort or something… I don’t know. Whatever it was you were looking for. Used me over and over again. Why wouldn’t you answer the door the night you kissed me?” You were pacing and agitated as you spoke.  
“I was scared. I thought you would tell me to never come near you again. That you would be angry with me for doing that." He says.  
"The last day. The day before I left, you touched me and I said 'don't'. I begged you to stay and you just left me sobbing in my room. And then Jackie… Why didn't you stay? Or come back? Or anything?" Tears are gathering in your eyes as you relive the heartache.  
"I thought you were begging me to leave you alone. And I was confused. I didn't think you could love me." Bucky says huskily.   
"So, all of this happened because you thought I didn't trust you? Based on your eavesdropping?" You ask, tears coursing down your cheeks.  
"I'm so sorry, Doll. Please. You're my angel. My light in the darkness. I was stupid and scared and I need you!"  
"What the hell does that even mean? You need me? For what?" Your anger spikes at the phrase.  
"For everything! I can't breathe without you. I can't sleep." Bucky grabs you to stop you from pacing. He puts one hand on your face and forces you to look at him. "I love you."  
You squeeze your eyes shut for a minute. "You don't trust me, you're scared to talk to me, how the hell do you think you love me?"  
Bucky stares at you in shock.   
You pull away from him, "God! A few days ago I would have given anything to hear you say that but now I'm not sure what that even means."  
“I thought you loved me.” Bucky sounds shattered.   
“I thought I did, too, but there’s so much hurt wrapped in it now. We had, what? Two weeks? Not even? Before you pushed me away? And what do you expect now? Me to fall into your arms and forgive and forget everything?”  
"Doll, it was a misunderstanding. Give me the chance to prove myself." Bucky begs.  
"I need some time to figure all of this out. I'm just so confused right now." You say.  
"Take all the time you need, Doll. I love you. I do. I know that now. I was so stupid and I hurt you. I’m sorry. I'll wait for you. As long as it takes. I’ll be here for you." Bucky says with conviction.  
"We should get back inside." You say and turn back to the house.   
"Wait…” Bucky touches your arm to stop you, “Are you and Brian…" Bucky trails off not wanting to form the words.  
"We're old friends, Bucky. He’s practically family and a really good man. He has asked for a chance. I told him I'd consider it. It's just making me even more confused."   
Bucky bows his head and nods, "Thanks for telling me the truth. I'll try not to pressure you, but I know what I want and that's you."  
You nod and start back to the house. Brian is in the hall holding the bowl of cherries he had brought you. He looks between you and Bucky for a moment before speaking, “I was going to put these away for you.”  
You take the bowl from him and smile, “Thank you. Where are Jackie and Steve?”  
“Jackie was showing Steve to his room so he could put away his things.” Brian answers.   
“I’ll show Bucky to his.” You look at Bucky, “I’m sure you could use a rest after all the travel.”  
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Bucky says. All the confidence he had spoken with outside seemed to have disappeared. You show Bucky to the room he would take next to Steve’s.   
“Bathroom’s through there. There’s a study across the hall. Feel free to wander around if you get restless.”  
“Where’s your room?” Bucky asks looking along the hall.   
“Um, the next room.” You motion to your left. “Jackie has the suite at that end, Brian is in the suite on that side.” You point to your right. You fidget with the bowl of cherries you are still holding.   
“I didn’t know cherries were your favorite.” Bucky says it almost sadly. As if he’s realizing how little he actually knows about you.   
“Yeah.” You give him a fleeting, nervous smile.”I uh, I have some things to take care of. Enjoy your rest.”  
“Thanks.” Bucky says softly and retreats to his room.   
You go back to the library and find Brian there as you’d hoped. “I’m so sorry.” You say and your voice breaks.   
Brian immediately pulls the bowl from your hands and haphazardly sets it on a table. He then engulfs you in his arms. “It’s okay, Love. You didn’t plan any of this.”  
“I shouldn’t be crying on your shoulder, Brian. But Jackie’s with Steve right now and I just…”  
“It’s okay, Love.” He says again. “So, Spitfire and Captain America, huh?”  
You give a little laugh. “It would seem so. They seem to really like each other. Wait til the PR team gets a hold of it.”  
Brian chuckles, “And how will it be for Klickshot?” You groan at his use of your code name. “Klickshot and the Winter Soldier? Or Klickshot and Union Jack?”  
“Bri…” You look up at him.   
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean to pressure you, Love. Come sit down.”   
You sit on opposite ends of the couch. Spying the bowl of cherries on the table next to you, you pull them into your lap and grab one of the stems. You bite the cherry in half avoiding the seed in the center and close your eyes as your chew. “Mmm. They’re as good as I remember.” You pop the other half into your mouth and after carefully chewing spit the seed into the ashcan across the room.   
“Bullseye.” Brian grins as you eat another and do the same.  
“Yeah.” You’re contemplative for a minute while eating more of the treat Brian had given you. “This is a mess.”  
“What do you mean, Love?”  
“I’m here with you and Jackie and it feels right. It feels like home. Family. But I feel that way in New York when I’m with the Avengers. The team is my family, too.”  
“We’ll still be your family and this will still be your home. No matter what you decide.” Brian says tenderly.   
“I do love you, Brian. You’re my family.”  
“I know, Love. I love you, too. Even if it’s only ever as my sister’s best friend.” He smiles.  
“The family’s ward?” You laugh lightly.   
“I’ve never seen you like that.” Brian’s eyebrows furrow.   
“I know.” You rearrange yourself on the couch and put your arms around Brian. You hold each other. Comfortable in each other’s arms. After a few minutes, you look up at him.  
Brian’s hand caresses your face and you lean into his touch. “Love… I’m doing my best not to kiss you right now. I don’t want to pressure you. But watching you eat those cherries…” He presses his forehead to yours and chuckles.  
You smile, lift his face, and brush your lips against his before saying, “I don’t want to lead you on, Bri, but can we, for just a few minutes, pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist, please?”  
With an almost feral growl, Brian’s mouth takes yours. His lips move against yours hungrily, his tongue darts out requesting entrance and you comply, opening for him. His tongue explores your mouth and you reciprocate. Tongues twine, lips dance, and hands press as you lose yourselves in each other. And it’s good. It’s so good and your heart soars and burns at the same time. You pull back to breathe, looking each other in the eye.  
You sigh deeply, “I should go. Lunch will be served soon.” You get up from the couch. Brian stands and grabs your hand, You look back at him and he just stares at you.   
“What?” Confused by his actions.   
“I… I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t pressure you.” He raises your hand, kisses it, and let’s you go. Brian watches as you leave the room. Grabbing his phone he begins to make plans. He wouldn’t pressure you, but he wasn’t going to let you go without a fight. He would remind you what life here could be like.


	9. Chapter 9

After a slightly awkward lunch that afternoon, everyone moved to the drawing room as usual. You had planned to ride into town for some errands. When you mentioned this to the group, Bucky immediately asked to go with you.   
“Oh, um, do you know how to ride?” You ask.   
“Ride what?” Bucky asks, confused.   
“A horse.” You say.   
“Not really.”   
“We’ll start your education in the morning.” You laugh, “Bri, can I borrow one of the cars?”  
“Of course. You know where the keys are.” Brian replies.   
You smile wickedly and walk quickly to the door.   
Brian immediately clarifies his statement, “Not the Healey!”  
“Did you hear something?” You ask Bucky.   
Bucky, catching on, says, “Not a thing.” And ushers you out the door with a hand on your back.   
You hear Brian’s voice as the door closes but can’t make anything out and giggle as you head to the garage. Once inside you go over to the lock box and type in the code. You retrieve the keys for the Austin Healey 3000 and smirk at Bucky, “I’ve never gotten to drive it.”  
“Brian seems a little protective of it.” Bucky says.  
“It was his grandfather’s. He loves this car.” You show Bucky to the dark green, vintage car. “I’m surprised you don’t know how to ride a horse.”  
“I’ve ridden one before but it’s been a while.” Bucky says almost defensively.   
“Oh, okay. What did you need from town?”   
“Nothing really. I just wanted to get some time alone with you.” Bucky covers your hand resting on the gear shift.   
“Oh.”  
“Are you still angry with me?” Bucky asks.   
“Yes and no. I’m angry you wouldn’t talk to me and at the same time I understand your fears. I’m feeling very ambivalent.”  
“Ambivalent? I thought that meant you didn’t care.” Bucky says.  
“It means you have strong contradictory feelings.” You say.  
“That means you have strong feelings for me at least.” Bucky teases.   
You let out a sharp laugh, “Yeah, yeah, it does. I missed this side of you. You know, the side that talks.” You jab him in the ribs with your elbow.   
“Me, too. I appreciate that you never turned me away. All the times I needed you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the same way.”  
You nod unsure of what to say. You get to the small town near the manor and stop at a few of the familiar shops. Some of the owners know you from your youth and greet you as an old friend. When you enter the little bookshop you've frequented whenever you were in town the owner, Mr. Cavendish, greets you enthusiastically, "Why, our American girl has returned to us! How are you, dear?"  
"I'm very well, Mr. Cavendish. How are you?" You smile at him.  
"Fit as a fiddle and happy as a clam." He says. "And who's this strapping young lad with you?"  
"This is my friend, Bucky Barnes. He's visiting from America." You supply.  
"Hello, sir." Bucky says.  
"Hello." Mr. Cavendish looks at you again, "Boyfriend?"  
"Mr. Cavendish." You chide.  
"Well, you know we're all waiting for you and Lord Falsworth to finally get hitched. I was wondering if this good looking lad was the reason you hadn't!" Mr. Cavendish chuckles to himself.  
You put your face in your palm and just shake your head. "I'm going to go look for… something." You wander the store and gather a few items while Bucky stands at the front thumbing through a book. Mr. Cavendish minds his tongue while you check out and you and Bucky head back to the car. "I'm sorry about that. Small town life. Everyone's in everyone's business and rumors and speculation fly wild."  
"They aren't too far off base, are they?" Bucky looks at you.   
"Oh, there are others who would be appalled at the Lord of the manor marrying the American orphan." You roll your eyes.   
"What was it like growing up here?"  
"Uncle Michael was good to me. He took in a 14 year old he met once and helped me deal with my parents dying and having my entire life changed. He was a very good man. Sometimes I wonder if I hastened his death though. He had a heart attack and died in his sleep when I was 17. The Falsworth's took me in for the remainder of schooling. They were wonderful to me. Jackie was already my best friend. We kept each other in check. Didn't let the other get too wild. We still managed to get into plenty of mischief though. Most people here were wonderfully kind. I love it here. To me, it's home."  
"Would you ever plan to live here again?" He asks.  
"Well, I'm blessed that I have dual citizenship in the UK and the US. So, I have the option. My plan has always been to retire here. Where's home for you, Bucky?"  
"Brooklyn, I guess. Really, wherever my family will be when I have one." Bucky shrugs.  
"You want kids?" You ask.  
"Yeah."  
"A Bucky, Jr.! Oh my goodness!"  
Bucky chuckles, "What about you? Do you want kids?"  
"Yeah. I do. Always have."  
"I bet you'll be a great mom."  
"Thanks. I'm sure you'll be an amazing dad." Your heart flip-flops at his beautiful smile. You turn away to put your things in the boot of the car. Bucky's hand on your arm turns you back to him. He's looking at you with a tender expression and cups your face.  
"Can I kiss you, please?" Bucky asks.   
You glance around nervously before nodding. Bucky kisses you gently. His lips flirt with yours for just a minute before he pulls back aware of the public setting you are in. "I've been desperate to do that."  
You take his metal hand that's still holding your face and pull it to your lips for a kiss. "We need to head back."  
Bucky nods and walks around to open the car door for you. Your heart is pounding. Your mind is a jumble of confusion. And there's a part of you that feels so wrong for having kissed both Brian and Bucky within hours of each other. Shame wells in you. You text Jackie quickly telling her you are on your way back and you need to talk.   
You walk into the hall and Jackie is waiting for you.  
"There you are, dearest! I'm in need of your expertise. Bucky, the boys are in the library playing pool if you'd like to join them." She says.  
"Okay, thanks." Bucky takes the hint.  
As soon as the door to your room is closed, Jackie asks, “What’s going on, dearest?”  
“I kissed Brian and Bucky in the same day. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to choose. I’m going crazy and trying to stay calm on the outside, but I think I might…”  
“Okay, okay. Dearest, take three deep breaths for me.” Jackie says calmly, stalling your torrent of words. You comply immediately realizing you had been babbling incoherently. “Good. Do you feel a little calmer?”  
You smile at your best friend, “Yes, I’m sorry.”  
“Start from the beginning. The beginning of Brian. I saw you two dancing in the drawing room the other day. We hadn’t talked about it. Start there.” Jackie directs.  
You tell her about the dance you shared in the drawing room, the almost kiss earlier in the day, the appearance of Bucky, the discussion with him, the crying on Brian’s shoulder and the kiss, and finally the trip into town and kiss there. “I feel like such a jerk.”  
“It was just a kiss, dearest.” Jackie says.  
“I actually meant that I feel like I’m being a jerk to you. I’m talking about your brother and your boyfriend’s best friend.”  
"Steve's not exactly my boyfriend." Jackie corrects.   
You roll your eyes at her, "Right. I'm so confused, Jack. I have feelings for both of them. I never thought Brian felt that way. I mean, I always had a little crush on him when we were younger but he was my best friend's older brother. Of course, I had the hots for him! And Bucky, I had this amazing connection when we met and even after he stopped talking to me it was still there. Everytime we were together. I really have so many feelings right now."  
"And they're not going to resolve themselves in the next five minutes. It's going to take a little time to sort them out. And both have agreed not to pressure you and give you the space you need to figure it out. Take a couple of weeks to really get through your feelings. This isn't a small decision." Jackie says calmly.   
"Brian said that no matter what I decide I'll still be family." You look at Jackie apprehensively.   
"Whoever you choose, you're my sister. No matter what." Jackie wraps her arms around you.   
"Jackie…"  
"Yeah?"  
"They're both really good kissers." You look at Jackie and the two of you dissolve into giggles.   
\--  
At dinner that night you look over and Steve and Bucky and ask, "When do you have to go back?"  
"Day after tomorrow." Steve says.  
"I hope none of you mind. I reserved a box for us tomorrow evening at the theater. We'll go to dinner, see the show, and perhaps go to a club afterwards." Brian smiles at you as he speaks.   
"We can stay at the brownstone. It will be closer to the airport." Jackie says.  
"The brownstone?" Steve asks.  
"Yes, we have one in London." Jackie says.   
"That was very kind of you, Brian. What show?" You ask, excitement clear on your face.  
"Noises Off." He smiles at you, knowing it's one of your favorites.  
You light up, "I love that show!" You turn to Sam and Bucky, "It's hilarious!"  
"Sounds like fun, Doll." Bucky smiles at you.   
"Are we all going riding in the morning?" Brian asks.   
"I told Bucky I'd educate him a bit on riding. You'll go too, won't you, Steve?"   
"Of course." Steve gives a stiff smile.  
"It'll be fun." Jackie smirks.   
The rest of the evening is quiet. A few games of pool and a couple of drinks before everyone decides to turn in. The brandy is working it’s usual magic and you drift off to sleep quickly. It was a couple hours later when a knock sounds at your door. You’re shaking the grogginess from your mind when the door opens and Jackie’s silhouette is framed by the light in the hall.   
“Jackie? What’s the matter?” You say.  
“Bucky. He won’t ask for you but he... he’s having a rough night.” Jackie says, her arms wrapped around herself.  
When you enter Bucky’s room you find him hyperventilating on the floor beside the bed with his knees to his chest and Steve beside him with his arm around him.  
“It’s okay, man, just breathe.” Steve says to him.  
“Bucky.” His eyes snap to yours as you kneel in front of him. You take his flesh hand and put it over your heart so he can feel the rise and fall of your chest. “Breathe with me, baby.” Bucky’s eyes stay locked with yours as he manages to slow his breathing to your rhythm after several minutes. “Good. Come on, Buck.” You encourage him to stand. Steve helps him and then retreats to the doorway with Jackie. You climb onto Bucky’s bed and put your back against the headboard with your legs out in front of you. Bucky follows you onto the bed and lays down with his head on your thigh as he always has.   
“We’ll leave you guys alone.” Steve says and you nod at him. Jackie gives you a small smile and leaves with Steve.  
You run your fingers through Bucky’s hair, rub his scalp, and trace his hairline with your fingertip. He wraps a hand around your lower leg, rubbing his face into your thigh and breathing deeply of your scent. After some time he whispers, “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay, Buck. I’ve got you.” Your hands continue to work through his hair.   
“I love this. This time with you. I savored it every time it happened. I had to force myself to get up and leave. I never wanted to.” Bucky tells you.   
“You didn’t have to. You could have stayed. I would never have turned you away.” You respond sadly.   
“I know that now. I’m so sorry.” Bucky squeezes your leg gently.   
“You’re forgiven, Bucky. I understand the why behind it. It still hurts but I forgive you.”   
Bucky turns his head to place a kiss on your thigh, “Thank you.” Bucky sits up and pulls you into his arms. He looks at your mouth and then to your eyes as if asking permission. You give a slight nod and his mouth melds to yours. He pours all the passion he’s bottled up the past months into the kiss. His tongue demands entry and you willingly comply. He pulls you as close to his body as he can. Fitting you together as if you were two puzzle pieces. Your hands twine in his hair as you explore each other's mouths. You feel your body ignite as Bucky kisses you but in the back of your head you feel your emotions warring. Bucky shifts and lays you under him while never breaking the kiss. His hand presses to your waist and you feel him slowly moving the hem of your shirt up. Your hand flies to his and stops his progress. Breaking the kiss, you push Bucky back up into a sitting position.   
“No.” You say gently. “We can’t.”  
“I’m sorry, Doll. I just want you so much.” Bucky says as he captures your lips again. You allow him one more kiss.  
“I won’t do that to Brian under his own roof.” You say firmly. “Especially since I haven’t decided yet.”  
“I’m sorry, Doll.” Bucky says again. “I’m trying.”  
“I know. I should go.” You slide off the bed and walk towards the door.   
As you open it to leave you hear Bucky’s voice, “Hey.” You turn back to him. “I love you.”  
“Sleep well, Bucky.” You whisper as you close the door.


	10. Chapter 10

In the morning everyone goes riding. You chose a couple of the gentler mares for Steve and Bucky who hadn’t ridden much in the past. They both seem to be doing fine as you follow the bridle path that loops around the property. You were on your preferred mount, a chestnut thoroughbred name Helios. The high-spirited animal was an excellent hunter and responded to the gentlest of commands.   
“How’s it feel? Little different than the motorcycle?” You ask Steve and Bucky once they’d had some time to adjust.   
“Yeah, a little.” Steve chuckles.   
“You’re both doing very well.” Jackie says. She herself wasn’t the most enthusiastic rider. She didn’t mind the gentle ride you were on now, but she hated hunting and racing. Although, she had a deep love of the horses.   
“Are you usually this tame in your rides?” Bucky asks you.   
“Not really. Helios prefers a good work out.” You say patting the horse's neck.   
“What’s my horse's name?” Bucky asks.   
“That’s Calliope. Steve’s is Clio. Jackie’s is Mnemosyne. They’re all named from Greek mythology. Brian is riding Hyperion.”  
“Calliope?” Bucky laughs.   
“She was the muse of epic poetry.” You smile.   
“What about the others?”   
“Clio was the muse of history. Um, Mnemosyne was the goddess of memory. Hyperion was a titan of light? Is that right, Brian?”  
“Yes. And Helios was the god of the sun.” Brian says. “You remember your mythology pretty well.”  
“Someone used to quiz me on it all the time. Especially, when it came to the horses’ names.” You laugh.   
“You must be referring to father.” Brian chuckles.   
“Hmph. Like father, like son.” You quip   
“I would never!” Brian feigns hurt.   
“Yes, you would! I remember having to suffer a week straight of being reminded who Cronos was every single day.” You raise an eyebrow at him.   
Bucky listens as you and Brian banter back and forth reminiscing about your shared past. Jackie and Steve had fallen back a bit and now he felt like a third wheel. As you crest a small hill towards the end of the loop you look out over the landscape. The beautiful grounds were showcased from this point crisscrossed by hedgerows and fences. You pull your mount to a stop to wait for Jackie and Steve to catch up.   
Brian looks over at you and raises an eyebrow, “Race you back to the stables? Helios could use a good run.”  
“Do you mind?” You ask the others.   
“Of course not, dearest. I’ll lead the boys back. You two give the horses some exercise.” Jackie says quickly.   
“Let’s make it interesting.” Brian says.  
“What do you propose?” You smirk at him.   
“Across the north pasture, around Miller’s barn, and back to the stables.” Brian says.  
“And what do I win when I beat you?” You ask.  
“It’s a secret.” Brian smiles. “Ready?”  
“Go!” You yell and Helios jumps into action. You head north across the pasture. You’re up and over the first hedgerow with barely a jolt. Helios, fast and sure-footed, takes the cross country trek with aplomb. Jumps, turns, and even a splash through a stream do nothing to phase the experienced hunter. Brian and you take turns enjoying the lead. Hyperion is an equal match to Helios making the race about the rider’s abilities. As you are nearing Miller’s barn Brian pulls ahead. Suddenly, he stops his horse and Hyperion rears making Brian look rather dashing and knightly. You slow Helios and circle back.  
“Are you okay?” You ask.   
“Yes.” He moved Hyperion until your legs were nearly touching. “I just couldn’t pass the opportunity.”  
“What opportunity?” You ask when Brian’s hand shoots out, grabs the back of your head and pulls you to him for a kiss. You're shocked for a moment but then meld your mouth to his. After a minute, Helios moves and you nearly become unseated. Regaining your balance quickly, you smirk at Brian, “I’m not that easily distracted.” You spur Helios into action and take off in the direction of the stables. You hear Brian laughing as he races behind you. You jump the final fence before reaching the stables a hairsbreadth before Brian. “I do believe I win!” You exclaim happily as you dismount.  
“You did, at that. Barely, but you won.” Brian dismounts.   
The others had already returned and must have gone on to the house. As you are handing the reins over to the groom, you notice one of the horses in the paddock is limping. You climb over the fence to check on her.   
“Oh, miss, she’s got a temper! Be careful!” The groom yells.  
“I’ll be fine.” You call back as you approach the horse. She’s a beautiful dark haired thoroughbred. “Brian, bring me a hoof pick, please.”   
Brian brings the tool over as you soothe the horse. You get her to lift her leg and notice the stone stuck in her hoof. You dig it out easily and brush away the debris before letting her leg down. She turns to nuzzle you and you laugh quietly. “Oh, so you’re happy that I got that out, huh?” You say as you rub the horse’s muzzle. “Brian, what’s her name?”   
“Haven’t decided on one yet. I just got her last week. She’s been a bit contrary. Probably should name her after you.” Brian jokes and you stick your tongue out at him. “She likes you. Why don’t you name her? You’re well versed enough in Greek Myths.”  
“Really?” You ask, honored.  
“Yes, Love. What do you think her name should be?” Brian is grinning widely.   
“Briseis. We’ve never had one named that. I mean, you’ve never had one named that.”  
“We.” Brian says wistfully, “Briseis. I think it’s perfect.”  
You grin at him widely and climb back out of the pen. “We should get back to the house.”  
Walking through the stables you say to Brian, “So, was that my prize? Naming rights to the horse?”   
Brian pulls you into a stall and says “No, actually the prize is a kiss.”  
“So, you get the prize whether you won or lost?” You laugh as he leans into you.   
“We both do.” He kisses you, pressing his body into yours. His hands are at your waist pulling you against him as lips move purposefully over yours. Your arms loop around his neck holding him tightly. You find yourself wanting to get lost in the moment with him. Thankfully, Brian pulls back after a minute and looks down at you tenderly. “You’re so beautiful.” He says as he caresses your cheek. The softness of his words and the tenderness in his expression causes butterflies in your stomach.  
“You are, too, Brian.” You kiss him once more softly and then head back to the house.   
After lunch, everyone heads to their rooms to shower, pack for London, and get ready. It was then you realized you didn’t bring a theater appropriate dress. You head to Jackie’s suite. She answers your knock immediately.   
“Well, we did leave in a hurry.” Jackie says as she leads you into her closet. Jackie goes over to her selection of dresses. “Hmmm… oh, I have an idea.” Jackie holds up a black, strapless mini dress with a sweetheart neckline and a cutout.   
“That is definitely not something I would wear to the theater.” You laugh.  
“No, but this is.” Jackie pulls a second dress. The green 50s inspired, tea-length dress is beautiful, but a bit on the matronly side.   
“Oh?” You look at Jackie with bewilderment clear on your face.   
“A lady for the theater…” She holds up the green dress, “And a vixen for the club.” She motions to the little black dress.  
“What are you suggesting?”  
“Wear the black dress under the green. We’ll put your hair up and then when we head to the club in the car, you can put on a little show for the boys.” Jackie grins.  
“Jackie, no!” You laugh.   
“Oh, come on, dearest! You have two men panting after you. You should play with them just a little!”   
“One of them is your brother!” You exclaim, laughing.  
“Even more reason to torture him!” Jackie laughs.  
“Oh, my God, I love you. You know what, let’s do it. Make some mischief.” Time for some fun with the boys.   
A little while later you are heading downstairs with a small bag for the overnight trip. The dresses are in a garment bag already in the car. Steve and Bucky are in the hall waiting.   
Bucky gives you a strange look, “Are the rest of your bags in the car?”  
“What do you mean? It’s only overnight.” You say.  
“You’re not coming home with us?” Bucky’s brow furrows.  
“I...no, I took two weeks to be here. I’m going to stay. It’s only been three days.” You look between Steve and Bucky.   
“I just thought you’d come home with us.” Bucky says.  
“But we understand why you’d want to stay.” Steve says quickly.   
“I haven’t been here in six years. I want to spend some time home.” You say softly.   
Bucky nods sadly. Brian and Jackie come in and you all head to the car. Brian had arranged a chauffeur for the trip. Steve and Jackie sit in the backwards-facing seat curled up together, Bucky sits in the sideways seat, and Brian and you sit in the forward-facing back seat. It's about an hour to the London house and you spend a good portion of it reading on your tablet.   
After about twenty minutes, Brian breaks the silence, “What are you reading?”   
“The quarterlies for Falsworth Industries that were emailed to me this morning.” You smirk at him.  
“You actually read those?” Brian raises an eyebrow.   
“Of course. I keep an eye on my investment.” You wink at him.   
“You have an investment in Brian’s company?” Bucky asks.   
“She’s part owner in the family company.” Brian says.   
“You are?” Steve asks.   
“I own 10%. Brian and Jackie own the remainder. I have several investments. Not just in Falsworth.” You feel like you are defending yourself.   
“Are you rich?” Steve looks at you like you’ve grown two heads.  
“Steve!” You look at him incredulously. “Look, I had inheritances from my parents and Uncle Michael and Lord and Lady Falsworth and I've been smart with it. Also, I’ve offered to give back my portion of the company. Many times.” You say the last part with emphasis while staring Jackie down.   
“Mum and Dad wanted you to have it. We won’t go back on their wishes.” Jackie says.  
“Well, it will be gifted to one of your or Brian’s children one day.” You say.  
“How will you choose which child if we have more than one?” Brian queries.  
“Probably choose whichever one is named after me.” You laugh.   
Brian laughs heartily at that.   
“I appreciate the diversification you are implementing in order to secure futures.” You say to Brian.  
“I’m glad you approve. There are those who don’t like that we’re moving away from the traditional format of the company.” He says.  
“I trust the judgement of those in charge.” You smile at him and he smiles back.  
You glance at Bucky who seems withdrawn. You decide to return your tablet and finish reading the report. Guilt eats at you as you sit between two men who love you and you have no idea who you should feel what for.   
\--  
Dinner at one of Jackie's favorite Italian restaurants is excellent. The entire group laughs outrageously, comfortably ensconced in a box, during the show. While heading to the club, you glance at Jackie who smirks and gives a slight nod.   
“I need to change my dress. Bucky, will you unzip me?" You say, turning your back to him.  
“What?” Bucky asks.  
"Unzip me." You say.   
"What are you doing?" Bucky asks, not moving to help you.   
“Changing.” You smirk.   
"Right here?" Bucky gapes.  
You roll your eyes and turn your back to Brian instead, "Brian, help a lady out please."  
"My pleasure." He smirks as he slowly unzips your dress knowing the antics you and Jackie love to pull.  
When he's done you look over your shoulder at him and say thank you in a sultry voice. Bucky looks ready to rip Brian's hands from his body. You pull your arms from the sleeves and shimmy the dress down revealing the black minidress below. You unpin your hair, shake out the curls, and apply a fresh coat of red lipstick Crossing your legs in the skin-tight dress, you glance at the two men whose eyes are taking in the change. “I think this works a little better for the club, don’t you?”  
Both men are staring at you as if ready to grab you and claim possession. Brian is the first to speak, “I think you’re going to need a protective detail with that dress on.”  
You giggle at him, “I can take care of myself. Don’t worry too much.”  
“Doubt I'll be able to take my eyes off of you anyway, Doll." Bucky says smoothly.  
Abruptly, guilt wells up in you for playing this stupid game while keeping the two in limbo. You feel small and petty. As if reading your mood shifting, Jackie says, "I do hope you plan on lots of dancing with me, dearest. It's a night for shots, dancing, and forgetting all our worries. Just fun tonight." She gives you a pointed look.   
You look at her and slowly a smirk spreads across your face as your bravado returns.   
At the club, the group is taken to a table in the VIP section that Brian had reserved.   
“Order some drinks, Brian.” Jackie says before taking your hand and dragging you to the ladies room. “I saw that in the car. This is not your fault.”  
“I know. I just wish I knew what I should do. Who to choose. I thought I was coming here to get over Bucky and instead…” You trail off.  
“You have to think about what you want for the future. Look at the life you want to have five, ten years from now and how it’ll work out with each of them. Who you love because you really love them. You have a long history with Brian. You have an emotional history with Bucky. But all of that, all of it, can wait. Tonight is about dancing!” Jackie shakes you for a second.  
“And shots. I’m a better dancer when I have a few in me.” You laugh.   
“Let’s do this, dearest.” Jackie grins.  
You return to the table to find the guys nursing drinks. You take Brian’s and bring it to your nose. After an appreciative sniff, you down it and smile. “That’s good.” You take Bucky’s also and Jackie grabs Steve’s. Downing them, you clink the empty glasses together and head to the dance floor without a backwards glance at the guys.   
“They know they’re trouble together, don’t they?” Steve says to Brian.   
“Very much so. They’ve been able to get themselves in and out of it ever since they met at 14. Although, they generally keep the other from going too far.” Brian chuckles.   
Bucky is watching you intensely. You and Jackie are dancing together on the floor surrounded by many others. Within minutes a guy slides up behind you and begins dancing with you. You easily twirl away from him and continue dancing with Jackie. However, the guy doesn’t take the hint and makes his way back over to you. You ignore him at first, but then he grabs you by the waist and pulls you against him.   
“Back off, dude. Not interested.” You say.  
“Give me a chance, baby.” He says as he grips you tighter.   
“Let go now.” You warn through clenched teeth.   
“Or what?” He says.  
“Or I break both your arms.” Comes from behind and then a metal arm clamps down on the guy’s shoulder.   
“Slag.” The guy says, walking off.   
“What the hell is a slag?” Bucky turns to you with a furious expression.   
“Don’t worry about it, Buck. Dance with me.” You say, pulling him to you on the floor.   
“Did that wanker just call you a slag?” Jackie says.   
“Let it go, Jack.” You say.   
“What the hell is a slag?” Bucky repeats.   
“Means slut.” Jackie raises an eyebrow at him.   
With a growl, Bucky turns to find the guy again but you hold him back. “Seriously, Bucky, forget about that idiot. Please.” Bucky calms down and you dance with him until the song ends. Back at the table, more drinks are waiting. The next hour is spent drinking, talking, laughing, and taking turns dancing with all your friends. You are dancing with Bucky and Jackie is dancing with Steve when you notice someone entering the club.  
"Shit!" You say loudly enough for Bucky to hear.   
"What?" Bucky looks around confused.  
"Shit. Fuck fuck fuckity shit. Jack!" You get your friends attention and jerk your chin towards the entrance.  
"Oh my God!" You hear Jackie say and she looks at you panicked.   
"It'll be okay. Bucky, I need your help." You grab Bucky's arm and walk him back towards the table. "I'm so sorry to ask you to do this but we don't have much time. Long story short. Brian's ex-fiancee just walked in. They broke it off after he caught her cheating. She's toxic as fuck. I'm going to have to act like I'm with Brian to keep her away from him. Can you… I'm sorry but can you distract her if necessary? Please? I know I'm asking a lot."  
"Distract how?" Bucky asks.  
"Talk, flirt, charm, dance. Whatever. Just don't let her mess with him. Please. She's likes to mind-fuck people and she's good at it." You plead. "I'm sorry." You stamp your lips to his in a hard kiss before going to Brian and sitting on his lap.   
"Well, hello, Love! What are you doing?" Brian asks, surprised.  
Your back to the club you lean into him so your hair falls like a curtain. From the outside it looked like you two could be kissing, a strategic move on your part. You murmur in Brian's ear, "Marlow just walked in. Promise me you won't do anything stupid."  
Brian stiffens at the name but wraps his arms around your waist. "Don't worry, Love. I only have eyes for you."   
"Are you sure you're okay? You know how she likes to fuck with people and I don't want her trying to hurt you." You look at him.   
"She can fuck with whoever she wants. You're the only one I want." Brian's eyes look into yours as his arms tighten around you.   
You loop your arms around his neck and press your forehead to his. Your heart aches at his words and burns knowing Bucky is watching all of this.   
"Really, Brian. You do tend to collect women, don't you?" Marlow's voice cuts through the music.   
"Much less than you collect men, Marlow." Brian says, surprising you with his detached tone.  
You look over your shoulder at her. "Hello Marlow" slips past your lips cooly.  
Marlow's eyebrow jumps when she recognizes you. "I didn't know you were back in England."  
"Why would you? Because we're such good friends?" You snark at her.   
Lady Marlow Crawley was not one to verbally spar with on a whim. She was sharp and knew how to make a barb find its mark. She was beautiful. Her short dark hair made the bright green eyes pop on her heart shaped face. She was lithe with a dancer's body and a personality that can only be described as two faced. One side of her was warm and kind and the other was pure venom.   
“Couldn’t find someone better than the family ward, Brian? Seriously, darling, you really must consider the family name.” Marlow remarks.  
“Oh, yes, the prestigious Crawley family known for their gambling debts and desperate social climbers.” Brian chuckles to himself.   
You look at him proudly and giggle falling into him. “Bravo.” You whisper in his ear.   
Before Marlow recovers from her shock, Bucky sidles up. “New friend?” He asks.  
“Oh, Bucky, this is Marlow. Marlow, Bucky Barnes.” A sly smile spreading across your face.   
“Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” Bucky gives her a dazzling smile.   
Marlow gives him a quick once over and smiles, “Finally, a gentleman with manners.” She says as she shoots a look at Brian.   
“Care to join me for a drink?” Bucky looks down at her.   
“Love to.” Marlow says and allows Bucky to lead her to the bar.   
“What is he doing?” Brian asks looking at you with worry.   
“I asked him to distract her. He can be very charming when he wants to be.” You smile. “He’s a good guy.”  
“Yes, he is. I can understand why you have feelings for him. But I admit I keep hoping that you choose me in all this.” Brian says.  
You close your eyes for a moment before looking at him, “I have feelings for both of you, Brian. I’m sorry. I feel so guilty and confused about this whole situation. I didn’t expect-”  
“Shhh, love. I wasn’t trying to make it worse. I know you didn’t do this on purpose and you deserve time to figure it out. I won’t bring it up again. I’m sorry.” He kisses your hand. “As Jackie said, tonight is about fun. Let’s have another drink and then I want another dance with you.”  
Brian pours you another shot and together you head to the dance floor. A glance over to the bar has your ire up seeing Marlow smiling and touching Bucky’s arm. Bucky is smiling back at her and then takes her hand and leads her to the dance floor. You are dancing with Brian moving your body against him to the beat. Over his shoulder, you see Bucky and Marlow dancing. Bucky glances at you and winks.   
Jackie dances over to you, “Bucky seems to be keeping Marlow occupied.”  
“He’s doing me a favor. Hopefully, he can keep her claws out of him.” You narrow your eyes.  
“As much as he keeps looking at you I doubt she can dig them in.” Jackie laughs as she dances with Steve.   
“You know what? Fuck this. I want both of their attention right now.” You smile impishly and Jackie laughs. You look at Bucky over Brian’s shoulder and crook a finger to him. He immediately drops his hands from Marlow’s sides and walks directly to you leaving a gaping Marlow behind him. You pull him so that he’s secure against your back while keeping Brian at your front.   
“What are you doing?” Brian asks.  
“Teaching Marlow a lesson in humility.” You smirk before looking over at Marlow and shrugging with a devilish grin on your face. Marlow storms off. You dance with Bucky and Brian, turning in their arms to give them both your attention before leading them back to the table. “Thanks, Buck.”  
“Anything for you, Doll.” He smiles.   
The group sits together talking and drinking for a while. You dance more, drink more, and flirt a ton. Most of the men in the club steer clear of the two women surrounded by supersoldiers. When the group is finally ready to leave both you and Jackie are quite drunk and your three supersoldiers, who aren’t affected at all by the booze, are making jokes about having to carry the two of you out. In the car, you are sandwiched in the seat between Bucky and Brian.   
“I need some water.” You slur. You fall to your hands and knees crawl to the small fridge in the limo, purposefully giving both a view of your ass. You take the bottle and then roll on to your back, putting your feet on the seat between Bucky and Brian.   
“Love, come back. You can’t lay on the floor. It’s not safe.” Brian reaches for you.   
“So protective.” You say leaning into Brian’s chest after retaking your seat. You splash a bit of water on his lap and immediately reach to wipe it away. “Whoops. I didn’t mean to give you a cold shower.” You joke.   
Brian laughs heartily, “It’s okay, Love. I probably need one after watching you all night.”   
“Charmer.” You laugh. You turn to Bucky, “Did you have fun with Marlow?”  
“She’s a pill. I couldn’t wait to ditch her for you.” Bucky smiles.  
“Mmmm…The look on her face was priceless. Thank you for helping. Sweet Bucky.” You lay your head on his shoulder.   
“I want to thank you, also, Bucky. I appreciate you distracting her.” Brian says kindly.  
“You’re welcome.” Bucky says with a nod.  
“See! I mean, Jack, they are both so sweet.” You slur across to Jackie.  
“I know! I know, dearest. But this one’s the sweetest.” Jackie puts a finger in Steve’s shirt and pulls him to her for the kiss.   
“Awwww, yeah, Stevie is a sweetie, too.” You coo. “Wait, Jack, whoa, calm down. Please no exhibi-jons. Exhibit… exhibit… Don’t fuck in the car.”  
Steve, Brian, and Bucky all begin guffawing at the two of you.   
“Spoilsport.” Jackie says.  
“We’ll be at the house in like five minutes. Keep your panties on. At least someone’ll be taking yours off tonight!” You giggle. “Wait, am I wearing any to take off?” You feel your way up your sides. “Oh, yeah. I am. I remember now.”  
Bucky and Brian are both staring at you intensely, pupils blown.   
“What?” You point to Brian, “You’re wearing black Hugo Boss boxer briefs.” You turn to Bucky, “And you’re wearing navy Hanes boxer briefs. I like boxer briefs. They’re hot. In the sexy way.”  
“Wait, how do you know that?” Bucky says.  
“It’s a gift.” You say and crack up at yourself. “Wanna know what Stevie’s wearing?”  
“No!” They both shout.   
“I can guess.” Jackie says while kissing Steve’s neck.   
“We’re here!” You say throwing your arms up as you arrive back at the house. Brian keeps as arm around you as you make your way into the house and up the stairs to your room. Bucky follows closely behind.  
“Here’s your purse, Doll.” Bucky says setting it on your dresser.   
“Thank you, Sarge.” You singsong.   
“Can I get you anything, Love?” Brian asks.  
“Nope. I’m gonna just go to sleep.” You say. “Good night.” You lean forward and give Brian a peck on the lips before walking over to Bucky and repeating the action. Kicking off your heels, you crawl into the bed.   
"Don’t you want to change, Doll?” Bucky asks.  
“Don’t think I can get out of this dress by myself, so I’ll just sleep in it.” You giggle.  
“I’d offer to help, but um…” Brian chuckles.   
“Yeah.” You say drowsily.   
“Good night, Doll.” Bucky says.  
“Good night, Love.” Brian says.  
“Wait.” You sit up quickly.  
“What is it?” Brian asks.  
“Can we have pancakes in the morning?” You ask with wide eyes.  
“Of course, Love.” Brian chuckles.  
“Yay.” You say quietly before falling back on your pillows. “Night night.” You say and curl up. They both retreat from your room and once they're gone you turn over and stare at the ceiling. Even in the haze of drunkenness the two men dominate your thoughts. Brian and Bucky really were both so sweet and, while they wouldn’t be winning any friendship awards, you appreciated that they weren’t trying to outdo each other. They were both being understanding and patient. What the hell are you going to do?


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning you manage to drag yourself out of bed. You are thankfully not too hungover. Some headache medicine, a glass of water, and a hot shower, once you manage to crowbar yourself out of that dress, clear the cobwebs from your head. As you complete getting ready for the day, a knock sounds on your door.   
“Come in.” You call.   
Brian enters with a smile, “Good morning, Love. I see you managed to get yourself out of that dress.”  
“Almost had to cut it off of me.” You laugh.   
“How’s your head?”   
“Not bad. How are you this morning?”  
“I’m good. Breakfast is ready. Your pancakes as requested. Hopefully, that will clear away any remaining hangover.” Brian holds a hand out to you.   
“Pancakes? Oh, I did ask for those after you put me to bed.” You chuckle remembering your drunken request.   
“And I made it my mission to deliver.” Brian grins at you.   
“My hero.” You sass.  
“Dashing, aren’t I? I shall sweep you off your feet and deliver you safely to the dining room!” Brian rushes towards you and lifts you in his arms. “Do not worry, fair damsel! You will be delivered posthaste to your pancakes!”  
You are cracking up as Brian carries you down the hall. “Brian! Let me down. I am perfectly capable of walking!”  
“And pass up the opportunity to hold you in my arms for a few more minutes? Never!” Brian grins at you as he takes the stairs.  
“You are going to trip and kill us both.” You giggle.  
“I’d never do anything to harm you, my love.” Brian says with sincerity. “Nothing. Ever.” You look at him. His tone had changed from the jokester he’d been playing to an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. Brian reaches the ground floor and gently sets you down. “In whatever way I can, in whatever power I ever have, I will never hurt you.” He kisses your hand and then leads you to the dining room while you are still dumbstruck by his words.   
“Good morning, dearest.” Jackie says as you enter the room.   
“Morning. How are you feeling?” You smirk.   
“I’m fine. Nothing a few cups of tea won’t mend.” Jackie winks.  
“Oh, please, tell me there’s coffee.” You look at Brian wide-eyed.  
“Of course, Love.” Brian says as he pours you a cup.   
“Morning Steve. Where’s Bucky?” You smile at Cap.  
“He’ll be down soon I’m sure.” Steve says.  
“When’s your flight?”   
“Not until 5. We have some time before we have to go.” Steve looks over at Jackie with a sweet smile on his face.  
“That’s great.” You say.  
“Good morning.” Bucky’s voice caresses you as he walks up behind you and plants a kiss on the top of your head.   
“Good morning. Did you sleep okay?” You smile up at him from your seat. Out of the corner of your eye you notice Brian staring at Bucky with a frown. They had been cordial to each other this entire time, but you weren’t surprised when you occasionally caught a dour look exchanged between the two.   
“Had a little difficulty getting to sleep.” He says with a suggestive wink.  
“I’m sorry to hear that.” You reign in a smile.   
After breakfast, Bucky pulls you aside. “Will you go somewhere with me this morning?”   
“Sure. Where?” You ask.   
“It’s a surprise.” He smirks.   
“Okay. I’ll go grab my things.” You say.   
You text Jackie that you and Bucky are leaving and will be back in a couple of hours. Bucky hails a taxi and hands the driver a slip of paper keeping you in the dark as to your destination.   
“Are you going to blindfold me too?” You joke.  
“Not for this particular adventure.” He says playfully and then leans into whisper in your ear, “But remind me later and I can definitely get into that.” You laugh and nudge him with your shoulder. “Can’t blame a guy after the show you put on last night.” He says in a low voice.  
“You enjoyed every minute of it.” You say with a gamine smile.   
“Yes, I did. I replayed it several times in my head before going to sleep. Especially seeing your ass up in the air as you crawled across the limo.” You shudder at the bass notes of his tone as he continues. “If we’d been alone, I don’t think your dress would have survived.” Bucky’s breath fans across your neck as he speaks and you clench your thighs at the sudden heat pooling between them. “It took all my control not to find out exactly what kind of panties you were wearing. What your body looked like under that dress. If you taste as sweet as I imagine.”  
“Bucky.” You half whisper, half moan.   
“Now you know exactly how I felt last night watching you.” His expression is diabolical as he smirks at you.   
You lick your lips and look at him through your lashes. “I guess turnabout is fair play.”  
Bucky gives a little growl as he watches your tongue swipe across your lower lip.   
“Here we are.” The driver accounces. Bucky had managed to distract you for the duration of the ride and you take in your surroundings as Bucky pays the driver.   
Bucky takes your hand and walks you through a garden and up to a pergola offering an expansive view of Hampstead Heath. It’s still early and there are very few people around.  
“Have you been here before?” He asks.   
“No. What is this place?” You are looking around at all the beautiful sites.  
“The Hill Garden and Pergola. I wanted to take you somewhere beautiful.” He smiles at you.   
“Why?”  
“Because I need to say something to you and I wanted us to be alone for me to say it.” Bucky takes your hands and looks into your eyes. “I know I messed up. I pushed you away and I refused to talk to you about it. I pushed you so far you put an ocean between us. And I know I might have waited too long, but I love you. You made me feel whole again. You make all the pain and fear and loneliness of the past 70 years worth it because it got me to you. I pushed you away because I thought I didn’t deserve you and I thought you wouldn’t be able to see beyond my past and I was wrong. I was so wrong. You are my light in the darkness. You are my reason. You’re my everything. And I know I screwed it up. I know I might have ruined it, but I need you to know that I fell in love with you that first day you and I talked. The moment you stroked your fingers through my hair I knew you were meant to be mine. And I have loved you every moment of every day since then. I’ll do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes, to make my mistakes up to you. I love you. I love you so much.”  
Tears had pooled in your eyes as Bucky had spoken. Your heart filled and twisted. You didn’t know what to say, what to feel. You did the only thing you could in that moment. You kissed him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him to you. You slotted your lips against his and licked a stripe along his bottom lip until he opened. Your tongues twined and you weaved your fingers through his hair. The soft feel of his lips, the sensual slide of his tongue, and the way his hands clung to you made you never want to let go. You stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms, for what seemed like an eternity. Only feeling each other, forgetting the world, forgetting everything. When you finally pull back, your foreheads pressed together, you sigh, “I fell in love with you that day too, Bucky.”  
“Choose me. Love me. Be with me, Doll. Please, I need you.” Bucky whispers.  
I need you.Your stomach clenches at those words. It’s then that you realize what is holding you back from Bucky. What if his love isn’t love? What if it’s purely need? What if you are simply a balm for his wounds? An addiction he can’t shake? It’s not that you don’t believe he’s sincere in what he says, but your greatest fear is that he loves you like a heroin addict loves the drug he needs to get through the day. He loves the feelings, the comfort, you give. That’s not loving you.   
You take a step back from Bucky and look up at him. “I just need some time, Bucky. Please. You said you wouldn’t pressure me.” You feel like a jerk playing that card, but you still weren’t sure and you wouldn’t be pressured into a choice that wasn’t fully your own.   
Bucky’s lips form a line and he nods. Taking your hand, he walks along the pergola with you taking in the views. You know he’s trying to hide his disappointment. You walk the pergola and then the gardens for another hour. Occasionally pointing things out to the other and then get a taxi to take you back. Bucky is quiet on the ride and you put your head on his shoulder. His arm slips around you and pulls you against him. You feel a kiss press to your head and then his nose nudges you until his lips meet your ear.   
“I’m not giving up on us.” He whispers.  
\--  
That afternoon at the airport, you and Bucky stand wrapped together not too far from Steve and Jackie.   
“Can I ask one thing of you?” Bucky looks at you.   
“Yes.”   
“Don’t make a decision until after you come home. Please.” Bucky cups your face. “Give me a chance to show you it’ll be different when we’re there.”  
“I won’t.” You say.   
Bucky’s lips descend on yours. He pours all of his emotions into that kiss hoping you carry the memory with you until you return home. Return to him.   
\--  
While heading back to the brownstone to pick Brian up, Jackie turns to you. “Have you slept with either of them?” She asks abruptly.   
“Jackie! No!” You exclaim.   
“Why not?” She asks.   
“It’s not right to sleep with either of them. Not until I make a decision.” You say.   
“It’s not wrong to sleep with either of them until you’re in a relationship.” Jackie retorts.  
“So, Steve should sleep with whoever he wants until you figure out what you two are?” You raise an eyebrow at her.   
“I mean, he can. I’d really rather he not.” Jackie says sadly.   
“And he’s not the kind to, but you see where I’m coming from. It doesn’t feel right. I nearly had a panic attack after kissing both of them in the same day.” You’re both silent for a few minutes. “Who am I supposed to pick, Jackie?”  
“Well, I have a personal stake in it because I want you here with us. But it’s like I said last night, you have to look at what you want in the future and what kind of relationship you’ll have with each of them. Brian knows your history, he’s a part of it. You’ll be lady of the manor. An easy life with the man you love. Occasionally, called on by your country to fight. Children and security and a life with the family you know. Bucky is still a mystery to you. You don’t know each other very well, but you have an emotional connection that’s strong. He’s going to fight alongside Steve as long as they are capable. You’ll be an Avenger. What does Bucky want out of life?”  
“Children. Happiness. The same as most people I guess. I hear what you’re saying, Jack. Secure future with Brian. Unsure future with Bucky. The real question I’m trying to figure out is who do I love more? Who do I love enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them? Bucky poured his heart out to me this morning. Then he asked me to choose him. He said he needs me. As soon as he said it, my stomach dropped. I wonder if he needs me like a drug addict needs a fix or if he needs me because he really loves me. Not just the comfort I give him.”  
“I don’t know, dearest. And I don’t envy you the decision you have to make.” Jackie says.  
“I’m sorry. It feels unfair to talk to you about this.”   
“I’m your best friend. Your sister. Your person. I better be the person you talk to about all this.” Jackie smiles at you.


	12. Chapter 12

The next few days go by following a routine. You ride in the morning, preferring to take out Briseis now, spend time with Jackie and Brian, train, read, and mostly try to relax. Brian spends time with you but also gives you space.   
You are in your room reading after a hearty lunch when a knock sounds at your door.   
“Come in.”  
“Forgive me for disturbing you, miss.” Mrs. Wells, the housekeeper, enters your room with a concerned expression.   
“Of course, Mrs. Wells. Is everything alright?” You ask.  
“I strive to keep to myself as much as possible, but I care deeply for this family.” Mrs. Wells hedges.  
“You’ve been with the family for many years. I trust your discretion and loyalty.” You reassure her.  
“Thank you. Lady Jacqueline is out or I wouldn’t disturb you. Lady Marlow Crawley is here in the drawing room with Lord Falsworth. I…” Mrs. Wells wrings her hands and gives you a desperate look. Obviously, she is trying to watch out for Brian without speaking ill of the person he's with.   
Fully understanding her predicament you respond. “You were right to come to me. Thank you.” You head directly to the drawing room being sure to stay silent as you approach.   
Marlow’s voice can be heard easily through the door, “I came here to talk. I need you to understand.”  
“Marlow, I really don’t want to talk about it.” Brian says.  
“Brian, please. I still love you. It’s been six years. Will you ever be able to forgive me?” She whines.   
“I forgave you a long time ago.” Brian says quietly.   
“You did? Oh, darling!” Marlow exclaims causing your stomach to clench.  
“You did me a favor that day, Marlow. It took me some time to realize it but you did. We were never going to be happy. It wasn’t all your fault. The truth is I never loved you like I should have. Not enough to marry you. You were a beautiful convenience. I’ve only ever really loved one person. I’m sorry, Marlow. I don’t mean to hurt you, but it’s not you. It will never be you. Honestly, it never was.” Brian says.  
“You really think you love her? That stupid bitch has you wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she? She…”  
“Stop! Do not say another word maligning her. I do love her. I always have. From the day she walked into this house at 14, my heart left my chest and was firmly placed in her hands. I don’t think she even realized it until recently. Six years ago I was throwing my life away with you and then you did me the great favor of cheating. Once I saw who you truly were, I forgave you and I stopped caring about you. You can’t even compare to her. The compassion and the bravery and the sheer beauty of her soul. The caring she exudes without even trying. I’m sorry, Marlow. I’ve moved on. You should, too. Please go.” Brian says firmly.   
Your heart is beating wildly hearing Brian’s confession. Had he really loved you for that long?  
“I’ll go, but let me tell you this, Brian, she may have you panting after her, but Bucky is the one she’s fucking. He told me all about her and the game she’s playing with you. I’m sure they’ve laughed at you being a lovesick puppy. You’re pathetic.” Marlow spews.  
“The only thing pathetic about me is that I once thought you a good person. Goodbye, Marlow.” Brian says calmly.   
You quickly slip into a hiding place until Marlow has gone and then enter the drawing room to find Brian sitting on the couch with his head hanging.   
“You just missed your favorite person.” He looks up at you.   
“I heard a good bit of it.” You admit.  
“I don’t believe anything she said about you.” He reassures you.  
“Good. None of it was true.” You sit next to him on the couch and take his hand.  
“How much of what I said did you hear?” Brian asks.  
“Pretty sure, all of it.” You bite your lip.   
“I meant every word.” Brian interlaces his fingers with yours. “Every word.”  
“I know you did. So, I’ve had possession of your heart since I was 14 without even knowing it?” You smirk.  
“Yes, yes you have. After the pain of Marlow cheating began to fade away, I realized that I was as much to blame. I never loved her like I should have, because I’ve always been in love with you.” Brian says.  
“Why... “ You take a deep breath to steady yourself. You needed answers to help you through the emotions that were warring in you. “Why did you never say anything before now?”  
“At first, it was denial. Who meets the love of their life at 16? I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Then, when I finally came to terms with it, you were an agent of SHIELD and then you became an Avenger. You were doing such big things and I didn’t want to be an obstacle to you, but when you came home, the moment you stepped out of the car I felt like… like this might be the only chance I ever get. You are so amazing and I’m still in awe that no one has swept you off your feet yet. It's why I can’t blame Bucky for his feelings. He sees what I see. The most beautiful woman in the world. I love you. I always have.” Brian lifts your interlaced hands and kisses yours.   
You look into the beautiful brown eyes of the man in front of you and your heart feels like it’s on fire. His sincerity and caring and unwavering belief in you is too much. A tear slips from your eye.   
“Are you crying, Love?” Brian says, wiping away the tear.   
“I’m sorry.” You say as more tears fall.   
“Don’t apologize. Cry if you need to. I’m here for you.” Brian pulls you against his chest and cradles your head in his neck. “I’m here, Love.” He whispers as he kisses your forehead. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what. Always.”  
\--  
“Hey!” Natasha picks up her phone on the first ring.   
“Hey Tasha! How is it going there?” You ask.  
“It’s fine. A couple missions, but Sam, Tony, and I handled it.” She says. “You’ll be back in three days, right?”  
“Yes. I’m enjoying my time here, but I’m looking forward to getting back. Try to figure all this out when I’m back in my routine.”  
“Have you heard from Bucky since they got back?”   
“He texts me everyday.” You say.   
“He’s on edge. I was surprised when you didn’t come home with them. Did what I think was going to happen with Brian happen?” Natasha asks slyly.   
“Brian told me his feelings and then Bucky showed up. I was ready to give Brian his chance while I was here. They’re both waiting for me to make a decision. I told Bucky I wouldn’t until I got back. I don’t know what to do, Nat. I’m sorry I’m babbling.”  
“It’s okay. How is Brian handling all of this?”  
“He’s been amazing. Patient.” You say.   
“How was Bucky while he was there?”   
“He actually talked.” You laugh dryly. “He was good. He told me he loved me. There’s one thing he keeps saying that scares me, Nat. He says he needs me.”  
“Why does that scare you?”  
“Am I a drug he needs? Does he love me? Or does he love the way I make him feel?”  
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Bucky loves you and you love him. Or you did until Brian came in the picture. Are you sure you aren’t just running scared? Back to someone comfortable?”  
“I don’t know. Brian was never someone I thought I’d be with. I don’t know that it’s that much more comfortable. It’s actually a little bit scarier. If it doesn’t work with Brian I could ruin my home, my family. I’m so confused.”  
“I’m here for you but I gotta admit, I’m Team Bucky. You guys are good together.” Natasha says.  
“Well, Jackie is Team Brian. Makes sense that everyone in my life is on opposite ends of this.” You give a wry laugh.   
“It’ll be okay. I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”  
“See you soon.” You ring off.   
\--  
Part of the routine you fell into at the manor was when after dinner drinks were done and Jackie left for her room, you and Brian turned the phonograph on and danced together. Slowly, to the songs his parents had danced to in that same room. Afterwards, he would walk you to your bedroom door and kiss you good night. You treasured this time each night. It was quiet and easy. No demands, no pressure. Just a few dances and a good night kiss.  
Your last night at the manor you danced longer than any night before. When you go upstairs, the good night kiss has a hint of desperation in it on both sides. You cling to each other knowing this may be the last night you’ll ever be in each other's arms this way. It breaks your heart. And somehow you feel Brian's breaking, too.  
“I love you.” Brian whispers with your foreheads pressed together.   
You look into those beautiful dark eyes of his, “I love you, too, Brian. I do. I just-”  
“I know.” Brian’s hands come up to cup your face, “Go home, get back to your old life. I think you need to do that before you can be sure of your decision. You are the love of my life, but I want you to be sure I’m the love of yours. Go, knowing I’m still going to love you no matter your choice.”  
Tears are running down your face, “Thank you, Brian. Thank you.” You kiss him one more time and retreat into your room.   
An hour and a half later you are wide awake staring at your ceiling. Tonight’s glass of brandy seems to not be having it’s usual effect. You decide to slip downstairs for another small glass, but as you near Brian’s door by the stairs, you can’t help feeling pulled to it. You enter his suite without knocking and walk down the hallway to his bedroom. The door is slightly ajar and a light is still on. You tap on the door and peak in. Brian is sitting against his headboard reading and looks up at you.   
“Hey.” You say softly.   
“Hey. Are you okay?” Brian shifts as if to get up.   
You raise a hand to stop him and crawl onto his bed to sit next to him. Brian puts an arm around you and you lay a head on his shoulder. “Can I sleep here tonight?”  
“I would love for you to.” Brian says. You both lay down. Brian turns out the lamp and pulls the covers over both of you. He pulls you against him and wraps an arm around your middle. “Good night, my love.”  
“Good night.” You fall asleep within minutes feeling secure in his arms.   
\--  
You wake up feeling an ache in your core. Brian’s soft breathing behind you tells you he’s still asleep, however the erection pressing against your backside tells you his body is awake. Unable to resist, you press your ass against him. He moans and the sound of his arousal spurs you on and you grind against him. You're moving your hips at a slow rhythm when you feel a gentle nip on your shoulder.   
“If you keep doing that I’m going to embarrass myself in my boxers.” Brian chuckles.   
“This?” You say innocently as you roll your hips a little harder.   
Brian growls, pulls you tightly against him, and wraps his arms around you. He begins kissing your neck and when he finds that spot just below your ear your breath hitches.   
“You like that, my love?” He says as one hand finds your breast and the other plays with the edge of your panties. Your hand is gripping his thigh as you move against him.   
“Please. Let me touch you. I promise, nothing more. I just want to touch you one time.” Brian whispers against your ear, lust straining his voice.   
“Yes.” You can’t stop yourself. You’re wet feeling his arousal against you.   
Slowly, almost teasingly, Brian slips his fingers under the band of your panties and down to feel your dripping core. He sucks in a breath when he feels your slick folds and traces his finger up and down gathering your wetness. His fingers swirl around your clit moving with you as you grind against him. Your nails dig into his leg as the coil in you tightens. He begins to thrust his hips into you, rubbing his clothed cock against the cleft of your ass as you ride his hand. He squeezes your breast and sucks at your neck while increasing the speed of his fingers and thrusts.   
“You feel so good against me. Fuck, Love. You’re making a mess of me." Brian's fingers slide across your slick clit sending fireworks through you.  
"Brian." You whimper his name as you feel your orgasm pulling closer.  
Brian's cock twitches against you hearing his name spill from your sweet lips.   
"Say it again. Say my name, Love. Let me hear how good I make you feel." He presses harder against you, moving faster.  
"Brian. So good, Brian." You moan.  
"God, you're so perfect. So fucking perfect for me. Let go, love. I've got you. Cum for me.” Brian whispers against your skin before biting your neck. The tight coil in you shatters at his words and you cry out as Brian groans his own release.   
Neither of you move as your breathing returns to normal. Gently, Brian removes his hand from inside your panties. You roll over to face him and look into his eyes. After a minute, he leans in and kisses you displaying all the passion the last few minutes had held but with no demand.   
“I’m going to miss you.” He says quietly.   
“I’ll miss you, too.” You say back.   
“No matter what happens, let’s not make it six years before we see each other again.” Brian says and you nod in agreement. Your words are stunted as you look at him. Your heart aches and your stomach is tight. You kiss him and then slip out of his room to return to your own. It was time to go back to New York.


	13. Chapter 13

Arriving back in New York, you pick your luggage up and head to find a taxi when you hear your name. You turn to see a grinning Bucky.   
“Welcome back, Doll.” Bucky says as he envelopes you in his arms and lifts you off the ground in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re home.”  
“Thanks, Bucky.” You smile at him and peck his lips as he slides you back down to the floor. “I didn’t expect anyone to pick me up.”  
“I couldn’t let my best girl come home without being here.” Bucky takes your suitcase and wraps an arm around you to guide you to his car. “How was the rest of your trip?”  
“It was great. How have things been here?” You ask.  
“Good. I’m really glad you're back.” He smiles at you.   
“Me, too. I’m ready to get back to normal for a little while.”   
“That’ll be good.” Bucky has been glancing at you periodically.   
“Ask what you want to ask, Bucky.” You turn your head to look at him.   
“Have you, uh…”  
“No. I promised you I wouldn't.” You notice the immediate release of tension from him.   
“I know.” Bucky murmurs.  
“It’s okay, Buck. Let’s just enjoy however much quiet time we have until the next mission comes.”   
“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky says.  
\--  
That night a familiar knock sounds on your door. In the past you always went to the door to answer it, but tonight you called out, “Come in.”  
“Hey Doll.” Bucky says as he enters.   
“Hey.” You say quietly. Smiling, you hold out a hand to him. “Come on.”  
Bucky takes your hand and you pull him down onto the bed. He curls up next to you with his head on your thigh. Smiling down at him, you stroke your fingers through his hair. Bucky rubs his face into your thigh.   
“I missed you, Doll. The feel and the smell of you. I missed hearing your voice. Catching sight of you throughout the day.” Bucky says.  
“I missed you, too, Bucky.” You say.   
You continue to stroke his hair as you sit in companionable silence. Eventually, Bucky sits up, but unlike all the other times when he left without looking back, he turns to you and smiles. He leans in, glances down at your lips and then looks into your eyes seeking your permission. You press your lips to his and he melds his mouth to yours. His tongue seeks out yours and they dance as you press together.   
When you separate, Bucky whispers to you, “Can I stay?”  
“Yes. To… to sleep.” You whisper back.  
Bucky nods and lays down with you in his arms, “Good night. I love you.”  
“Good night, Bucky.” Your heart is twisting in your chest. I love you, too, you think to yourself but for some reason the words can't push themselves from your mouth.  
\--  
The next mission came within 36 hours of your return. The entire team spent four days staking out and taking down a HYDRA cell. You were grateful for the distraction. It was a relief to get back to what you did best. What you knew. You were like a well-oiled machine back in your element. It was easy.   
Your routine reestablished once you returned to New York. Training, briefings, research, and time with the team repeated itself each day. And Bucky was always there. He wasn’t pushy, but he was never far from you. The teasing banter that had established your friendship in the beginning returned. There were caresses and kisses exchanged.  
A week after your return, Bucky took you to Prospect Park to go horseback riding. He even packed a picnic for you to share. He was sweet and attentive and caring. And you were distracted and spacey and confused. Your internal struggle of who to choose was eating at you. You were weighed down by all the emotions.   
Brian texted you. He had asked that you call him when you could. He just wanted to hear your voice but knew you needed space while you were figuring things out. You called him after you completed your second mission since being back.   
“Hello Love.”  
“Hey Brian. We just got done with the mission. Wanted you to know all was well.”  
“I’m glad to hear it. Glad to hear your voice. How are you doing?” He asks.  
“Um, it’s been… different since I’ve been back.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Just different. Maybe I'm just different.” You take a deep breath and move on from your introspection. “I miss you and Jackie.”  
“We miss you, too, Love. Briseis misses you, too. She bit the dickens out of one of the grooms the other day. She’s been even more temperamental since you left.” Brian chuckles.   
“She has good taste in riders.” You joke.  
“The best.” Brian says. He pauses and you know he’s crafting his words carefully. He doesn’t want to ask or push you. There’s longing in his voice as he speaks and your heart aches. “I think Jackie is going to fly back to New York soon. She and your Captain seem to be rather enthralled with each other.”  
“Yeah, I’ve overheard him on the phone a couple of times. I never would have thought of those two together, but somehow it works. I’m glad I introduced them.” You smile.  
“It’s good to see her happy. It’s been too long.”   
“Agreed. She deserves some happiness.”  
“So do you, my love.” He says.  
“I hope so.”  
“I know so.”  
“Thanks, Brian. I need to go. I have a team debriefing.”  
“Get some rest, Love. I’ll talk to you soon, I hope.” He says.   
“Yes. Bye, Bri.”  
“Bye Love.”  
You end the call and stare at your phone for a minute allowing yourself to feel the emotions coursing through you.   
\--  
The next night as you are stroking your fingers through Bucky’s hair you find yourself asking him, “What do you want out of life, Buck?”  
“What do you mean, Doll?”   
“I mean, what do you want for the future?”  
“You, for starters.” He turns over so he can look up at your face.   
“What else?”  
“I don’t know. To keep fighting with my best friends as long as I can. To make HYDRA disappear forever. Marriage. Kids. What about you?”  
“I just want to be happy. Marriage, kids, all of that would be nice, but to be happy really.” You say looking into his beautiful blue eyes.   
“I want to make you happy.” Bucky says sweetly.  
“You do.” You say with a smile, stroking his hair.   
“Does that mean you’re choosing me?” Bucky asks.   
“It means it’s making the choice very difficult. I’m sorry, Bucky. I know I have to make a decision. I just still feel confused. I thought being back and getting back to normal would help realign my thoughts, but I just feel even more jumbled.” You say.   
Bucky sits up and looks at you for a long moment. His face registers several emotions before he says quietly, “We should get some sleep. We meet for the mission briefing early tomorrow.”  
“Yeah. You’re right.” You say.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Bucky pecks you on the lips and leaves your room.  
You lay back on your pillows knowing Bucky is feeling the rub of your indecision. It's eating at him and, truthfully, it's eating at you. How the hell do you choose?  
\--  
When you arrive at the mission briefing you're surprised to see the STRIKE team is also there. Your stomach churns seeing Rollins in the group. You hope he can be cool after the disastrous date. As expected, Steve puts you with STRIKE for the mission and you internally groan.   
When the meeting breaks up, Bucky catches your eye and says, "Agent, can I get a moment?"  
"Sargeant. What can I do for you?" You smirk at your tone.   
He pulls you off to the side. STRIKE is waiting for you to join them as the rest of the team files out. "You gonna be okay with Rumlow?"  
"Yeah. He's a jackass but he's a good team guy." You say.  
"Rollins?" He practically snarls.  
"Hey. Nothing happened there. Just one bad date." You shrug.  
Bucky pulls you to him nearly picking you up off the ground and his lips smash into yours. The kiss is deep and thorough. When he lifts his head he says, "Just in case they get any ideas."  
You roll your eyes, "I can take care of myself. Remember, Sarge, I'm a better shot than you."   
"Just stay safe, Doll."  
"You, too." You say as you turn to join the STRIKE team. Several of the team are staring at you and so you raise an eyebrow at them. "Problem, guys?" Heads shake in the negative and most look away. “Let’s get to it then.”  
The team heads to the quinjet. Rollins catches up to you, “So, Barnes, huh?”  
“Yeah. Kinda." You laugh the question off with a shrug.  
“So, why did you go on a date with me?” Rollins asks.  
“A little jealousy goes a long way.” You smirk at him.   
“So, you were using me?” He says mockingly.   
“Pretty much. No more than you were hoping to use me.” You say.   
Rollins chuckles at that. “Yeah, I guess not. Sorry for calling you a bitch.”  
“Oh, I am. It was the stupid part that cut me to the quick.” You say jokingly.   
“Yeah. Well, glad I could be of help.” He says with a raised eyebrow.  
You laugh. “Teammates?” You hold up a fist.   
“Teammates.” He says, bumping your fist with his own.   
“Will you two quit your romance and get your asses in gear? Or should I sic Barnes on you, Rollins?” Rumlow grumbles.   
“Oh, Rumlow, you always inspire such comradery.” You snark.   
“Whenever you're ready for some real comradery, come see me. I’m sure I can do better than that head case.” Rumlow says under his breath to you.   
“I’ll be sure to tell Bucky you offered.” You stare Rumlow down.   
Besides Rumlow’s jackassery, the mission goes well. A few minor injuries but everyone would heal. When you return you’re the last out of the STRIKE team’s jet when Rumlow appears before you.   
“You may have Rollins whipped, but I’m not so easily dissuaded.” Rumlow says, standing toe to toe with you.   
“What’s that supposed to mean, Rumlow?” You say.   
Brock grabs the back of your neck and pulls you against him, “It means I was serious. When you’re ready for a real man, I’ve got everything you need.”   
“Let go of me.” You seeth through clenched teeth.   
Brock lets go immediately, “Don’t worry, honey. I won’t have to force it on you. You’ll need it eventually after dealing with Barnes.”  
“You really have no sense of self-preservation.” You say.   
“You think I should be scared of Barnes?” Rumlow mocks.  
“I’m the best shot in SHIELD and excel in hand to hand. I don’t need Bucky to protect me. Back the fuck off, Brock.” You grouse.   
“See, already got you saying my name.” Rumlow grins.  
“Go fuck yourself.” You roll your eyes as you walk away. As soon as you walk through the bay doors you nearly run into Bucky.   
“Hey.”  
“Hey yourself.” You say.   
“You okay? I thought about intervening but I was enjoying listening to you take him to task.” Bucky smiles.   
“Thanks. I can take care of a jackass like Rumlow.” You smile. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. You good?”  
“Yeah, Doll I’ll see you in the morning.” Bucky says.  
“Okay. Sleep well.” You say.   
“You, too.”  
\--  
You wake with a start. Your heart is pounding and your entire body is tense. The clock reads 2:17. You wrap your arms around yourself and try to go back to sleep. Twenty minutes later you are making your way to Bucky’s room. You were restless and uneasy.   
Your knock goes unanswered, so you slip into the room. “Bucky.” You whisper. Bucky doesn’t move. “Bucky.” You say a little louder. When he still doesn’t react you gently shake his shoulder, “Bucky.”  
“Doll?” Bucky sits up. “Are you okay?”  
“I had a bad dream.” You say.   
Bucky gives you a sad smile. “Come here, Doll.” He pulls you onto the bed and begins stroking your hair. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”  
You snuggle into his arms seeking refuge in him. You were usually his source of comfort. Something felt right about him being yours. He strokes your hair, places gentle kisses on your forehead, and holds onto you until you drift off to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

You wake the next morning in Bucky's bed alone, a note left on Bucky's pillow.  
Hey Doll, Went for a run with Steve. XOXO Bucky.  
You feel deflated and pull yourself out of bed to go back to your room and change for training. Melancholy settles heavily over you.  
\--  
Seventeen days. It has been seventeen days since you’d returned from England. Twelve of which had been spent on missions. You were exhausted. Not as much physically as mentally. Your emotions raged, your heart burned, and your head ached. You had to make a decision or lose your mind. The guilt of leaving both Bucky and Brian in limbo was driving you mad.   
You went up to the roof for some privacy and time to think. A storm was coming. The air was electric.The wind was blowing and the sky was growing dark despite it only being the middle of the afternoon. You looked out at the grey clouds blowing in and felt strangely calm.  
Two men love you. Brian was easygoing and stalwart. He would do everything in his power to give you a good life and make you always feel loved. He knew what it was to be a fighter and kept the best interest of all those he loved at the forefront of his beliefs. A good man who loves you.  
Bucky was intense and determined. He was a fighter and would go down swinging for those he loved. His years in captivity made him fearful of people's motives and opinions. He loved with his whole being and had a decided sense of right. A good man who loves you.  
The question was how do you make yourself happy? Looking to the future you could see the path both would lead you on. Both full of love. Following the two paths in your mind showed you intricacies and details and destinations you hadn't considered before. You loved them both. Jackie's word came back to you. A quote she had mentioned, "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you and trusting them not to." Looking at each of them in your minds eye, you knew who you trusted more. Who you loved more. Who you saw a future with. Who you couldn't live without.   
You had been on the roof for over an hour when you heard the door behind you open and close. Without looking back you know who is there. A small smile lifts the corners of your mouth. He always knew how to find you.   
"Hey Doll. Storms coming in." You hear.  
Turning to Bucky you look at his beautiful face and you know. Without a doubt. No barriers left in your mind. Your decision is made. You walk over to him and cup his cheeks. You stare at him for a moment before pulling him down for a kiss and then press your forehead to his. Looking up at him after a few moments, tears begin to fall from your eyes.   
Bucky wraps his arms around you and closes his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he speaks his fear, "It's Brian, isn't it?"  
"I'm sorry, Bucky. You are so amazing but I love him. I'm so sorry." Tears are streaming down your face.   
Bucky's eyes are red as he holds you, "I think I've known since you've been back."  
"You have?"  
"Yeah. I pushed you away too many times. I pushed you so hard you put an ocean between us. I'm sorry." Bucky says on a sob.  
"It wasn't all your fault, Bucky. I shouldn't have been so afraid to talk to you about it. I should have pushed harder. There's someone so special out there for you, Bucky. I'm just not her."  
"I'm still gonna love you, Doll. Always, a little bit. For being my light in the darkness after I came here."   
"I'm gonna love you, too, Bucky. I hope we can be friends after all this."  
"I think we can do that, Doll." He hugs you to him tightly and kisses your forehead. "Besides, I'm still gonna need head scritches whenever I see you."  
You laugh through your tears. "Anytime, my friend. Anytime."  
\--  
The next evening, Brian heads to the drawing room after dinner. Jackie had informed him that she was leaving to go back to New York in three days and he was in a full on debate with himself as to whether or not he should go, too. He was desperate to see you, but knew if he found you happily in Bucky's arms, it would shatter him. On the last phone call he had tried to hint at a trip, mentioning Jackie's and hoping you would ask him to come. Or, at least, give some indication if he should or not but you had simply spoken of the burgeoning romance between Jackie and Steve. He was beginning to wonder if you had made your decision and were just too scared to tell him.  
The sound of music catches his attention as he approaches the drawing room. Walking into the room, his eyes land on you.   
"Hello, Love." You smile at him, "May I have this dance?"   
Brian walks to you, awe on his face, and touches your cheek as if he's unsure you're real. You look at him and a surge of love suffuses through you. You know without a doubt you've made the right decision.   
"I love you, Brian. I choose you. If you'll still have me." You say.  
"If I'll still…" He cups both your cheeks and plants a passionate kiss on your lips. "I love you." He says pressing his forehead to yours.   
"Dance with me?" You ask again. He takes you in his arms and you sway together. "I'm sorry it took me so long."  
"Don't apologize, Love. I wanted you to be certain. You are, aren't you?" Brian pulls back to look at you.  
"I am, Brian."  
"Marry me?"  
"Brian!"  
"Marry me, my love." Brian smiles. His whole heart displayed on his face.  
"Yes." You smile and Brian pulls you in for another kiss. 

18 Months Later  
You and Brian step off the elevator into the common room.   
"Lady Falsworth!" Steve smiles.  
"Hello dearest!" Jackie exclaims as she embraces you and then her brother. "Please tell me you brought the supplies I asked for." Jackie had moved to New York and joined the Avengers a year ago. Now, you were here for the much publicized wedding of Captain America and Britain's Spitfire.   
"Yes, Jackie, I brought everything you asked for and even doubled the amount of chocolate." You laugh. You give Brian a look before turning back to her. "Oh, and we have one other small surprise for you."  
"Really? What is it?" Jackie looks at you excitedly.   
"Well, I'm still growing it, but it's right here." You take Jackie's hand and place it over your belly. "Your nephew, William."  
"Oh my God. Oh my God! How far along are you?" Jackie squeals.  
"19 weeks." You grin, looking over at your husband. Brian stares at you with a tender expression. Life together had been a whirlwind of joy and discovery.   
A moment later, Natasha and Bucky walk in arm in arm, smiling brightly at you. The Winter Soldier and Black Widow had fallen in love. You had picked on Natasha more than once that she was more "Team Bucky" than she realized. Honestly, you felt like when you joined the Avengers you had interrupted a match that was meant to be. Their shared past allowed them to find a comfort in each other they never knew possible and it had turned into a love beyond measure. Together, they had found Solace.


	15. An Alternative Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you hate me, right? Well, let me tell you the truth. This was never meant to be the ending. It should have ended in part three, but then I decided to explore another idea. Personally, I married my Middle School Sweetheart. He really is the love of my life. So, for me, it was hard to think of picking anyone but Brian. Someone who knows Reader's history and shared a good portion of her life. I hope you guys can love it and Bucky's ending as well. However, since Marvel stories love alternate universes and timelines, you can read here what would have happened had Bucky opened his door the night of the party at the end of part 3. I hope you enjoy the alternate ending to this story.

Picking up from the end of Chapter 3:

“Seven minutes starts now. Work fast, big guy.” Clint laughs.   
“Bucky…” Is all you manage to get out before his mouth overtakes yours. His kiss is desperate, hungry. You respond with everything you feel. Winding your arms around his neck, you press into him as he holds you. Your tongues explore each others’ mouths, your lips move in sync, and your breathing becomes ragged. After what feels like both an eternity and mere seconds, the knock signaling the seven minutes is up comes. Bucky breaks the kiss as quickly as he had initiated it and walks out without a backwards glance. He goes straight to the elevator and leaves.   
Looking out at your friends, you put on an affectation of calm and say, “I guess I overheated him.”   
“Well, I think that puts an end to the evening.” Tony says. The group is quick to disburse. Nat is at your side quickly and you whisper to her that you’ll talk about it later. She nods. You see Steve and Jackie are still on the couch and seem to be in their own little world. When you manage to catch Jackie’s eye, you send her a wink and mime that you’ll call tomorrow. She smiles at you and returns the wink before turning back to Steve.   
Nat walks with you to your room and as soon as you’re inside it you tell her what happened.   
“He has got me so fucking confused. I am tied up in knots, Nat.” You’re ambivalent. Unsure whether to be angry or sad or elated.  
“You need to go talk to him now.” Nat says. “Right now!”   
She points at the door and, deciding she’s right, you go directly to Bucky’s room. You knock and after a moment call out, “Bucky?” There’s no sound on the other side. You wait a few moments longer and knock again. When he hadn’t opened the door a full minute later you turn to leave.

Bucky was angry with himself. He had no choice in who he could pull into that closet with him. The mere thought of touching someone else made him physically ill. He had wanted to throw Jackie across the room seeing her lips on yours. And when he had the opportunity to do that himself, there was no way in this universe he was passing it up. His first kiss with you was a damn dare but he was intoxicated by it. The feel of you moving against him, wrapping your arms around him, and kissing him back had him punchdrunk. But when it was over and that knock sounded on the door it all came crashing down on him. You had said his name before he captured your mouth and he had known he couldn’t let you speak or he would never get that moment against your lips. Those minutes. They had seemed like seconds to him. He could swear Clint short changed you by several minutes. He couldn’t bear to look at you or anyone else afterwards and had gone straight to his room. Then a little while later your sweet voice calls his name after knocking, he stood frozen in place staring at the door. He couldn’t move. Fear had seized him. What if you were angry? What if you told him to stay the hell away from you? A second knock sounds and after a minute he finally rouses himself. Hurrying over, he wrenches the door open to see your retreating form turn back to him.   
"Bucky? Are you okay?" You ask.  
"I'm okay, Doll." He answers but his chest is heaving and his eyes are wide.   
You walk back to him and say firmly, "We need to talk."  
He backs into his room and you follow, closing the door gently.   
"What did I do wrong? Why did you stop talking to me? Why did you kiss me? I'm so confused." You blurt out everything in a jumble.   
“I know you don’t trust me. I...I overheard you talking about it with Nat.” Bucky says.  
“What?” You yell, gaping at Bucky. “What the hell are you talking about?”  
Bucky looks at you in shock. “I overheard you and Nat having a conversation. You said you couldn’t trust me. That there’s something off about me. I make you uncomfortable.” He shrugs slightly.  
“I have never said anything of the sort. I trust you implicitly! With my life! What… Oh my God. Nat and I had a conversation about Rumlow shortly after I first got here. And that’s what I said to her, that he makes me uncomfortable, there’s something off about him. You heard me talking about Rumlow and thought I meant you?”  
Bucky is dumbstruck.  
“I don’t know whether to smack you, shake you, or kiss you at this moment. There has never been a moment since I laid eyes on you that I didn’t know that you were a person worthy of my trust. Did you really think I didn’t?” You ask, looking into Bucky’s eyes.  
“I… wait, what?” Bucky flounders.  
“I. Trust. You. I always have.” You say clearly.   
“Doll, I thought…” Bucky trails off.  
“You thought wrong, Barnes.” You say quietly.   
“You told Rollins you have feelings for someone.” Bucky stares at you afraid to hope, barely able to breath.   
“Yeah. Care to guess who that is?” You bring your body as close to his as possible and his arms go around your waist as you twine yours around his neck.  
“Me?”   
“You. It’s always been you.” You pull him down until your foreheads touch. “You damn well better kiss me now.”  
There’s no hesitation. Bucky’s lips press yours gently for a moment before passion overtakes him. You open in response and your tongues dance around each other. Bodies pressed tightly together, you kiss until you are breathless. You run your hands into his hair and tug until he meets your eyes.   
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Bucky whispers. "I heard what you said and just assumed you meant me. I was hurt so I just decided to stay away but I couldn't. Every time I was near you, whenever you touch me I feel like everything is right and good in the world. You’re my angel. I just couldn't stop myself. I needed to be near you. I didn't realize how bad I was hurting you. I'm so sorry. Please." Bucky's voice cracks.   
"Please what, love?" You say, putting your hands on his face.   
Bucky's eyes widen at the endearment and he manages to continue, "Please tell me you can forgive me."  
"Absolutely.” You say bringing him in for another kiss. After you part, you look at him with a serious expression, “Well, actually, there is penance to be paid."  
“Penance?” Bucky furrows his brows.   
“Yes, of course. I mean you do have weeks of lost kisses to make up for. And hugs. Cuddles. Other things." You give him a sultry smirk, "But I'm sure you can make up for lost time."  
"Let me start making it up to you right now." Bucky grins.   
You smile before he captures your mouth in an intense kiss.


End file.
